Royal Pain in My Ass

I have to say that I'm fortunate in that I pay very little attention to pop culture, especially in terms of romance. The only time I turn on network television with commercials is on Sunday evenings when I watch "Coming Home." Say what you will about the Lifetime network and me being less of a man for not blocking it in my home, but military reunions is my soft spot. That aside, I've been seeing ads for a movie called William & Kate, which I assumed was just the sappy side of Lifetime and totally fictional. About a week ago, I was told there was some major wedding happening across the pond.

Unfortunately, once my consciousness for this event was awakened, I saw stuff about it EVERYWHERE. From what I'm told, this is happening tonight or today or sometime in the next 24 hours. I'm also vaguely aware of the fact that he's a prince and she's a nobody. Is this news? Wasn't Princess Diana a commoner as well? I could be wrong, honestly.

So all the girls the world over are having their girly wedding moments as this gigantic occasion is kicking off. Even guys, and not just the questionable ones, are getting into this. Frankly, not only does this event not move me in an excited direction, but I'm actually waiting for it to be over. Wait... I do feel something... nope... it was just gas.

At last check, I did still live in America and we won the war and our independence from England. They are just 2 people. Ladies, you never had a shot with a prince so get over the heartbreak. This kid was born into the right family but hasn't accomplished much (yes, I've read up on him), although in 2005 he opened a shelter for homeless people. Yay Prince Bill!

I've seen people, Americans, setting alarm clocks to wake up and watch this. I've heard others try to convince the uninterested masses to pay attention. I've heard people say that we should all use this occasion to find happiness during times of despair. Tell that to the 50,000 tornado ravaged homes in the south without power who couldn't watch even if they wanted to. People find happiness every day, but because you can put a face to a famous name, the world is supposed to tune in? He's semi-important at the moment, she's a nobody. They're across an ocean and believe me... they couldn't give less of a shit about your wedding.

I was initially happy for this guy because he's in line for the throne. After his grandmother passes on, his dad will take over as King of people who eat a dessert called Spotted Dick. And when Charles, and his ears, finally relinquish the big red velvet chair, William takes center stage. So why was I happy he was getting married? Because hopefully that makes him happy and we need less cranky world leaders these days. Hopefully commoner Kate will do her princessly duties and keep Willy's willy in good spirits.

Then I thought further. World leader? He's a prince. Part of the monarchy, which does nothing more than wave their hands and cost their country shitloads on that really big house. They have no power, they don't really rule anymore. I think New Zealand should secede. Did you know that Queen Elizabeth II (the old lady, not the ship) is Queen of them too?

Here's what it all boils down to... a 29 year old kid who has accomplished almost nothing in life that is the heir to the heir of the Queen's throne, that has no real power or no real job decided to marry someone.

Yup, don't care and I'm not sure why anyone that eats fries, not chips, should either.

EDIT: I had totally forgotten to add in my real moral of the story. I spent so much time on the word play and making myself giggle by relating my emotions about the wedding to a fart that I missed out on the real message. As Americans, we are known for getting so wrapped up in silly pop culture and scandals. We always wanna know the details of the private life of people, that we ignore what really matters. Remember Anna Nicole Smith? We were so concerned with what killed her that we stayed glued to the TV pending results of an autopsy, how sick and demented is that. As it turns out, it was drugs. There's a surprise. They found everything in her system except Slim Fast.

Let's go back even more. Who remembers the big scandal that we couldn't get enough of on September 10, 2011? Anyone? It was Gary Condit, then Congressman, and his missing intern, Chandra Levy and whether or not they had an affair and he killed her. That was the big story, America. Our eye was not on the ball. The next day, we came under attack. Good use of our energy? I'd say it probably wasn't. Shortly after the attacks, rather than healing and repairing, some Americans decided to use their energy to claim that 9/11 was an inside job and a conspiracy created by our government. These conspiracy theories were propagated all over the news. Again... good use of our energies?

So, while we're watching the sensationalized wedding of foreigners, who our president has been striving to undercut our relationship with, and stuffing our faces full of comfort food; those who wish to do us harm have been planning (they never stopped in the first place). To make matters worse, they know we're not paying attention.

I honestly feel that we will never learn our lesson. America will always be selfish and live by the credo of "bigger, better, faster, more" while pretending we are interested in our health. We are the 300-pound person that orders a Big Mac and super size fries with a diet Coke to save on calories and still sues McDonald's when their cholesterol goes so high that they basically become a solid.

There's the moral of the story. It's not about fairy tale wedding of the prince and his bride, but our obsession with it all when there's so much here that needs work. By the way, did you know that William and Kate were, prior to marriage, related on BOTH his mother's side and her father's side and possibly through a third connection of ancestry? While distant, they are cousins in more than one branch of the family tree. Hopefully, they'll do the right thing and donate their child's extra, incestuous limbs to a commoner.

Order has been restored

For the last two weeks, while I've been convalescing, Ty and I have been talking about doing a sweep of my apartment to hunt down my elusive, and very special, pen. Finally, today we got around to it. With me being laid up, looking under things and moving furniture was not an easy task. So Ty did the lifting and I did the looking.

We started in my bedroom where it was last seen. We looked under the dresser, under the armoir, in the closet and finally moved the entertainment center. We found nothing.

Next was a quick feel under the things in the hall closet, that haven't been moved but could have had a pen slid under them via a mischievous cat paw. We found nothing.

The office proved to be a daunting task with two computer desks, a futon and more than one set of shelves. We found nothing. In the process of combing the office, I looked in the closet and straightened up a bit. While doing so, I found two plastic bags, each containing a handful of newspapers. They were the multiple copies I bought when the the South Carolina paper "The Item" ran a story on me as a 9/11 World Trade Center survivor now serving in the military. The front page sports a three-quarter page color photo of me in old BDUs (the woodland green, black, brown camouflage for the civilian readers). Sure enough, in that photo, my pen is clearly visible. It's probably the only photo that shows it so clearly. It almost felt as though we were being taunted by it.

We took a time out from Pen Hunt 2011, as Ty was never fully aware of my actual 9/11 involvement. He read the article. We did some talking about it. We listened to some audio about that day. Then we went to have a cigarette and recover from the somber mood that topic had put us in. All the talk about that era of my life and the picture showing the pen made me think that much more about it, as that was the time during which the pen came into my life.

On the way in from our smoke we searched the living room. He moved, lifted and tilted couches. We rolled out my large, media cabinet that houses all of my movies. The TV came off the entertainment center and it got pulled out and tilted back so we could look under it. We found nothing.

Days ago the dishwasher was pulled out and today the fridge, which incidentally has wheels, was rolled out and tilted back. Under the fridge we found cat toys and some cheap Bic style pens. In terms of my pen, we found nothing.

The last room was next and it was the laundry room. I was beginning to feel disheartened. They say "it's always the last place you look" which is nonsensical because why would you keep looking for something after you found it? However, this was the last place TO look. There was a washer and a dryer. If it wasn't under there, it would be lost forever. We pulled the dryer out first and leaned it back. I found cat toys, cat hair, laser pointers and a sheath for a Pampered Chef knife. We put the dryer back down as we adjusted it further. Clumsily, I got back down onto my knee because the ups and downs had put my healing leg to the test and I didn't have much left.

He tilted the dryer back even further and as I turned my head, it happened. An unmistakable gleaming black and platinum pen stared back at me (along with several other items pilfered by the cats). I reached in, grabbed it, and clutched it tightly. As I pulled it back out I said, "that's it," but quietly enough that he didn't quite realize what had just happened. He thought it was similar and commented to that effect. I said, "No, this IS it!"

That was just more than I could bear. After all the talk about 9/11 and the associated loss less than an hour earlier and the recent talks about the pen and my former life, I was now holding the last remaining link (that I thought was gone forever) to a life I miss so dearly. All the hope I pour into this tiny, shiny, cylindrical object and motivation I get from it to remind myself that I've been there before and can get there again was right in front of me.

With my eyes welling up and my voice cracking, I eked out a "thank you." I've never understood sentimental attachment to inanimate objects until today. I've always known it wasn't about the pen, but about the association. And whether I ever found it again or not, I did live that life. I was that person. The pen shouldn't have mattered, but when it was in front of me today, it sure did.

I can't wait to slide it back into my uniform pocket and use it every single day as it makes the journey with me back to the place we both started together. I can't thank Ty enough for getting my ass up to find it without giving up hope. As he said to me afterwards, "The look on your face cannot be described in words."

I have a road ahead of me to get back to where I started and that road will require lots of paperwork along the way. I have the perfect pen with which to sign, check boxes, fill out and otherwise mark each sheet that comes my way. I'm still motivated, I'm still driven, I'm still counting the days until I'm home. I'm still not happiest until I'm there.

But now... I found my pen.

Glass houses?

Unless you've been living under a rock (or busy throwing one at a glass house), you know that Donald Trump is an unofficial presidential hopeful in 2012. Lately, the Donald has been garnering lots of attention for preparing to tell Barack Obama "You're fired" and pissing off most of the country along the way. I get it. These guy shows up with his bad hair, not a lick of political experience and attacks the incumbent. Not a way to make friends.

I was ignoring most of this because it's typical political bullshit. Every election (and pretty much every day in between) is a giant smear campaign. Nobody gets elected on merit anymore. It's all about making "the other guy" look more incompetent, inept and generally like a lower class person. Politics are where the flaws meet the magnifying glass these days. Gone are the days of finding the right man for the job. It's always about the lesser of two evils. It's shame that we can't find the right person, but rather, the one who is not as bad.

I took notice today, however, when I saw people attacking Trump's character and credentials to be president over his financial woes in the past. It is true that bankruptcy was a part of Trump's life in 1991, 1992, 2004 and 2009, but let's keep things in perspective. Trump didn't buy a car he couldn't afford. He didn't run up $30,000 in unsecured credit card debt. He didn't file for personal bankruptcy because he can't manage his finances or balance a checkbook.

In each case, it was corporate bankruptcy and, further, Chapter 11 which provides immediate relief from oppressive debt and allows a company the opportunity to reorganize. This is different Chapter 7, under which the company ceases to operate. What does this mean? It means that in Trump's deals he accrued debt and used Chapter 11, created by the federal government, not Trump, to negotiate debt deals. He's not running a startup company that can be bootstrapped. These are super expensive real estate and land deals with high value investors.

So because we've associated the word bankruptcy with Donald Trump, he's unfit financially to run the country at one of it's peaks of national debt. Has anyone decided to finish the story and realize that after each of those filings, his companies not only survived, but did very well?

If a man can take something on the brink of extinction and successfully negotiate existing US laws (without being fraudulent like, say, WorldCom, Tyco, Global Crossing, Enron, Adelphia) and create opportunity, capital and success, then isn't he actually MORE fit to run the country while it's in financial straits?

I'm not saying I'd vote for Donald Trump for president. I'm not even saying you need to entertain the idea of voting for Donald Trump for president. All I'm saying is that you should spend more time promoting your guy and less time pulling down the other. If you have to be negative, maybe it's because your guy doesn't have any redeeming qualities of his own.

Maybe it's not about your guy at all. Maybe you don't like Trump - fair enough. I, frankly, couldn't care less what you feel about him. The fact remains that the average US household has almost $15,000 in credit card debt at 14.73% for a total of $2.4 trillion dollars in consumer debt. So, where exactly do you get off criticizing Donald Trump about owning these companies, using the laws as they are intended and making these companies even better?

I suppose the Trump thing is a vehicle for the real message. Tell the truth. Don't lie. Tell the whole truth. Don't leave parts out. Tell nothing but the truth. Don't add or fabricate where convenient. If the guy sucks, then let it be known, but don't skew facts to make your point. It undermines your credibility. It strengthens your opponent. Overall, you look like an idiot.

Turn back time

Earlier today I sat on Ty's back porch and we both reflected about my recent blog post about drive and determination and how I refuse to be held down by anyone who doesn't share my vision for my life. Ty told me about the twists and turns in his life, some through no fault of his own and others that leave nobody else to blame. I recounted to him, the abridged version of how I came to be on his back porch on this day.

I started with the rundown of ups and downs in the late 90s and my inability to see past my own feet. I recovered professionally and excelled at every job I ever had, despite my inability to maintain that focus in the classroom of even my local community college. On we went to the days of the NYSE. I'll never forget walking up Broad Street and stopping across from the front of the New York Stock Exchange, flanked by 2 of my closest friends back then. We went from adolescents to adults together and there we stood in suits and ties as working professionals in the financial district of Manhattan staring at the ornate facade of the exchange. We didn't speak much but we didn't have to. What a long walk we had made from those teenagers we once were. I mentioned the collapse of buildings and the economy they brought down with them; and the collateral damage that was my fledgling career. Next was the odd jobs I held to pay the bills before I was sure to be restored to my place in corporate America. That day never came and I enlisted. These last 8 years have come with their own set of challenges but all were personal, none were professional. There's very little that is based on merit in the military. It's easy to show up and just do your job.

We spoke of finding ourselves and deciding what we want to be when we grow up. I can get a paycheck, that's not what worries me. I want to be the man I was destined to become and I think environment has a majority stake in the shape of that. Environment is geography, people, class, job, culture, and everything that creates the ecosystem in which each of us lives.

It's not dissimilar to my fish tank. I have a tank full of beautiful fish in my aquarium. They are all tropical community fish. They get along and thrive when the environment is perfect - water temperature, pH balance, food, oxygen, etc. There are other beautiful fish that thrive in their own environments, that may be vastly different. People love Betta fish (aka Siamese fighting fish), for example. Their native habitat is made up of puddles and rice paddies. Murky water that houses fish of fantastic and vibrant colors. You would think that if those fish can live in that, they can live in anything, but they would not flourish in my tropical community tank. My environment isn't made up of terrible people and the environment itself isn't awful. It's just not the one for me. I've always known this. Anyone who knows me has as well. I cannot flourish here.

It all started because we were talking about finding my pen, that is lost in this apartment. To everyone that borrows it, it's just a pen. It's an overpriced pen. It's another one of Jason Viglione's grandiose possessions that no normal person should own. Those are not people who have taken the time to understand why I clutch that pen so tightly. What they don't know is that inside that pen is not just ink, but a life once lived. Inside that pen lives perfectly tailored suits, the energy of the city, the feel of brisk winter winds through narrow downtown Manhattan streets, the smells of the multi-cultural cuisines peppered throughout the city, and the entire ecosystem that was my dream. With every stroke of that pen, memories of the life I was meant to lead and on my way toward doing so, spill out on the page.

I was given that pen as a gift by my employer, as was every new employee at the company, on the day of my arrival. I opened the single breasted jacket of my first suit and slipped the pen in the inside pocket. It cost a mere $150, the suit not the pen, and was bought for me by my dad before the interview. (As an aside, that man is about as modest as it gets. He's never bragged about his intellect, finances, accomplishments, fatherly vision or just the person he is; although given his outcomes of all, it would be well within his right to do so. Yet, it didn't take much for him to speak of his pride for me when I got that job). The moment the pen went into that pocket, the suit tripled in value. See... it's a beautifully crafted $300 Mont Blanc pen that is all black with highlights of platinum. It's a status of your value to this small, elite IT consulting company that keeps only the top financial companies as customers. My daily home in which I represented the company was, of course, the New York Stock Exchange.

It was the late 90s and Wall Street was riding high still, despite the dotcom implosion. Corporate IT was the new technological royalty. We were what was called "geek chic." Then came the infamous Tuesday morning one September and it all evaporated. By the time the dust settled in my life it was 2004 and I was in South Carolina as an Airman First Class in the US Air Force. My pen was with me, nestled in the pen pocket of my desert camouflage uniform that was issued to me. I'd complain about ironing my uniforms that were built by the lowest bidder because the seams didn't line up just right. It was a far cry from the Brooks Brothers suits taking up space in my closet, known in the military as a wall locker, most of which cost me in 2000, the same as I made in two weeks in 2004.

What a tumble I took. I've always felt that if I had worked just a little harder, been a little more focused, smoothed out the rough edges just a little more, then none of this would have happened. I'd be home with my family. I'd be doing what I love near the people I love. Sure, if none of this happened, I'd have lost out on some great experiences and excellent people. But that's a sacrifice I'd have made, given the choice, if it kept me at home with the most important people.

It's 1am in Mississippi, where I'm currently stationed. I'm recovering from my fourth leg surgery, induced by the strenuous workouts over so many years as required by the military. I'm not as well off financially as I could or should be had I stayed "up north" (as the southerners like to call it). I just missed Easter Sunday with my parents, my brother, my grandmother and some extended family. I'm divorced and I'm alone. I'm counting the days until my magnificent and triumphant return home. I'm unhappy.

And... I can't find my pen.

My approach

I find that I'm often careful about what I say and do because I feel judged by many people around me. This causes me to act against what is in my inmost nature and is, therefore, difficult. I live a certain way. I have always lived this way. Surely, years ago, I was different but when you think about it... not truly. I was... more of me. I haven't changed but rather, toned down a bit. I was more stubborn, angrier, less yielding and less likely to own up to my mistakes. I'm still pretty sure of myself, bordering on arrogance, but leave room for doubt and sway. Maybe I leave less than the average person and maybe I'm more pragmatic than I should be, but this is who I am through and through.

I grew up with a tight knit, open, honest family and group of friends. My closest friends in the whole world have been with me for 20 years, some longer. In all those years, we've never had serious beefs or fallings out - aside from high school generated nonsense indicative of excessive hormones, finding our ways in the world and overall rites of passage.

Over the last 8 years, I've met many people. I've made and lost friends. It's always hard to let go of what you thought was an amazing friendship, but one change I've certainly made is that I no longer hold onto friends just for the sake of holding onto them. It is all about value added. I don't care if we've been friends for for 24 hours or 24 years... if we have nothing in common, see the world differently, want different things, approach things differently, and generally don't get along then there's nothing left to say. This seems to happen more often than not in my military world. For so many years, I thought my life was the norm - united, unbroken nuclear family, long standing friends, upper middle class, big home, dad worked, mom raised the kids and it was all steeped in heritage and tradition which intertwined amongst our family values, faith, and ethnic background. To put it simply, I'm a pasta eating, family loving, do anything for my friends, stop at nothing to do well in my life, Italian Catholic from New York. As it turns out, I'm the exception, not the rule. I can count on one hand, my friends who have parents that are still married. It takes less than that to pick out those who grew up the way I did financially and with opportunities afforded us. The unwavering parental support - despite my best attempts at self-sabotage - is nearly unique to my folks.

These traits seem to be passed on to my generation. The world at large has changed, leaving current relationships in a constant state of confusion and disarray, requiring management. I don't know if it is a function of time or location or background or both. I'm not sure how much of the nature vs nurture debate comes into play. The fact is that I'm different than a large percentage of those I'm surrounded by. Notice I didn't say better or worse... just different. It takes all types to make the world go 'round or different strokes for different folks - pick your cliche. The point is that I feel out of place.

I notice it more and more with each passing day. My dwindling patience is inversely proportional to my longing to be back with people like me. Maybe my home area is insular in that as worldly as I am in some ways, I'm sheltered in others.

I guess it all boils down to the fact that I'm tired of making excuses for the man I've become and I'm tired of being judged by people who don't know me to my core because I don't see eye to eye with them. There are certain people who have earned the right to sit me down, look me in the eye and tell me I'm being a dick. Dr. Jim is one of those people. He is my brother in every sense except DNA. Yet, he is the last person to do so. He accepts me as I am, for better or for worse. I suppose after 20 years of friendship, he knows what he signed up for and is ok with it.

There are days I love my job but it is not my career. It is not long term. I get great satisfaction from being part of something bigger than myself but I get greater satisfaction from being near the most important people in my life... despite how close you, the reader, may think we are; I can guarantee you that I'm closer with my mom, dad, brother, grandmother, etc. Going "home" to be with them lands me in an area intolerant of mistakes. There are more people than jobs, quite often, and a cost of living that requires people to strive at all moments. I took that for granted years ago and learned from my mistakes. One morning I was on top of the world. That afternoon, I was packing my desk. These things happen - once.

I won't be caught with my proverbial pants down again. I'm driven. I'm motivated. I'm focused. I want certain things for my life and not getting them is simply not an option - at least not through any fault of my own or lack of trying. This is why I work my full time military job and go to school and do my research, write my articles, do my videos, create content, interface with captains of industry and stay plugged in. I'm often looked down on by people as if I'm trying to be better than them. That is where they are wrong. Those people and their lives don't even rate. I'm trying to be better than me. Better than the me I was and better than the me I am. I'm trying to improve my circumstances, enlarge my territory and enable my life for more opportunities. Some say it's materialistic to want more money and stuff and maybe it is but in the USA in 2011, stuff is what it's about. I don't want money to have money (like I used to); I want money to do the things I love with the people I love doing them with. I want to ski with Alan, watch football with Mark, make wine with Dad, take vacations as a family. I want to have a large home with the nicest things that I'm proud of and I can have these wonderful folks in my in life visit and not be disgusted by squalor or be cramped. I want to see and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

I don't think that's too much to want. I don't want a free ticket. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I have no trust fund. There was no dowry when I got married. My parents provided for me and they did it in abundance but rarely as a free ride. When my dad bought my car first car, it wasn't fancy. Our conversation looked at my finances and realized that teaching me a lesson by letting me buy my own came with a cost... safety. It was more important to him to buy me a car that would be safe without going over the top than to teach me the value of a dollar and let me struggle. Plus he'd be up worrying that I was stuck somewhere. When he bought my second car, it was a loan. I paid him back for it. In truth, he didn't buy it. He laid the money out and gave me an interest free loan. I had to budget my money and make payments, without helping the banks get rich in the process. When he paid for my school, it came with a clause on grades. As and Bs or I was to owe him reimbursement for my tuition. I worked for it. It wasn't a gift, it was my future.

I have expectations from my friends and those I keep company with. Not for them, but for us. I don't care if they rule the world or pick up trash for a living, truly I don't. But regardless of who signs their paychecks I have expectations for OUR interaction. They MUST accept me for who I am because that's the only person I can be. They must view our relationship as a partnership. I will not chase someone to be my friend. If you are important to me, I'll call you and I expect the same thing in return. I do not deliver unrequited love for my friends. I expect honesty. I expect to not be held accountable to my friends' standards because my life is my own.

You don't have to like what I do, who I am or how I approach things, but to be my friend you have to accept it. I don't change for people. I carefully weigh and measure every situation (a tactic learned after years of rash, impulsive decisions). I adapt and overcome as required. Something may look like a sound investment in my life and upon further examination or new information, that may change. That may conflict with your outlook. I'm sorry if it does. Until you're prepared to pay my bills and create a life for me (one that I want), your say will not sway me in a way I'm not willing to be swayed. Input is valued and will be internalized for its merits and implemented as it makes sense. If it doesn't make sense to me, then I appreciate your advice but respectfully pass on utilizing it.

If anyone ever, at any point, speaks negatively about my publicly, belittles who I am as a person, makes me feel to be of no value to them or creates situations in my life that make it more difficult, stressful or otherwise problematic, then we will, more than likely, part ways (accidents, unintentional situations or things beyond one's control notwithstanding). Life is hard enough as it is. In the past 10 years I've dealt with loss in more ways than most people deal with in a lifetime. Some is permanent, some is not - none is easy.

The bottom line is that I was on my way to being somebody and took a wrong turn and tumbled. When I lost family, job, finances, education and opportunity I also lost part of me. After a decade of struggle, therapy, medication, reflection and work I have found it again. My personal stock is on the rise. I know my value. I'm not a slouch. I'm far from unintelligent. I have the support of wonderful people. If you're a supporter, I welcome you. If you're a detractor, take a hike. If you don't like my attitude, I'm sorry but this is MY life. Not yours, not ours. I'm not perfect. I'm as flawed as anyone, in some ways more, but I'm accountable only to myself and those I choose to let influence me - if you don't share my last name or bloodline, chances are you aren't one of them, at least not entirely and certainly not in terms of my life plan.

You may help me with individual situations or introduce me to a new music or food. You may help fine tune parts of me, but the core of my being? It is not for sale or up for negotiation. It took me a long, damn time to realize my worth in the world and to not be afraid to be me and reach for the brass rings in life. Nobody has the right to undermine that work or erode the results.

So... where do you fit? That answer is unique to each reader. I will tell you one thing... if you don't like how I handle my business; cut me off, walk away, say goodbye. I won't fault you for it. I won't think less of you. I'll think we're different and that's ok. I'd hate all 6 billion+ people on Earth to be the same, anyway. What you are NOT permitted to do is to pass judgment on me publicly and to others. You cannot call me out or cryptically point out what you consider my flaws to be. You have yours. I have mine. Have your opinion of me, but don't dare tell the world that I'm wrong for living my life as I see fit.

At the end of the day, I know I'll be educated, successful and happy. I'll have the support and warmth of my friends and family. I'll have all the material possessions I'm interested in. I'll be financially sound. I'll never reach a goal because there is no goal. There is always room for more. You know why I'll do all that? Because I'm focused. Because I run MY race. Because with my blinders on I don't see the negativity, I'm unaffected by my detractors, I rise above the nonsense. You're not wrong if you're different, you just have no place near me.

One last time, your life is your own and I wish everyone well on their endeavors, whatever those may be. Mine are clear in my mind and in the map of my life and I choose to surround myself with people who work in concert with my plans, not in opposition to them. I apologize to anyone offended by any of this, as it is not my intention. I don't apologize for being me. It is working out pretty well for me overall right now and better than it ever has before.

My life is good and certainly on the way to getting even better. Join me or make way, but do not try to steer this train or block this path. It's not yours to block.

Things Change in a Year

No matter how much we stomp our feet and scream, "I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid," we can't fight it. Growing up will happen. It's a necessary evil. Most times it happens without us knowing it. We wake up one day and realize this change has taken place. Hopefully not so much so that we keep our inner child locked away and become curmudgeons, but enough to help us adapt to the adult world around us and excel.

I'll be the first to tell you that I strive, and sometimes, struggle to maintain this balancing act. I'll work on developing myself as a professional and interact with CEOs of startup companies around the world all morning and spend the afternoon shooting the heads off zombies with a shotgun on the Xbox. I'll laugh and joke with my friends and then put on my "game face" when I hit the classroom and face my students. Even in the classroom, at times, I let my guard down and have just a hair more fun than I rightfully should with students. Balance is such a key facet to life.

There were a couple of instances, recently, that caused me to realize that this natural self-evolution has been happening over the last year. Last November I was given a promotion, of sorts. No more pay, no change in rank, but a positional raise. Rather than being a regular instructor, I was also made an "Instructor Supervisor" or IS. This means that in addition to teaching, I'm responsible for running the shift, which is comprised of roughly 110 students and 20 staff/faculty. This position is, by and large, reserved for people 1-2 pay grades above me and further seasoned by about 4-5 years.

Naturally, assuming this role was aggravating to me peers who felt that if I could do it, they should be able to as well. First of all, everyone can't lead. That's the point of being a leader - one person does it (or a small percentage, anyway). If everyone is leading, then nobody is leading. Secondly, not everyone is cut out for it in their nature. Lastly, the loudest complainers didn't even want my job. They just didn't want me to have it because they felt I snuck my way in. Yes, it was a private conversation between the big bosses and me. I was approached about it and agreed pretty much. I did nothing to sneakily secure this spot for myself. Frankly, I don't have the energy to be manipulative. It takes lots of time and I have enough to keep me busy.

One of my detractors actually asked me about it and I explained my position and particular methods/styles of leadership/management. Although he appeared satisfied by my answer, that I neither micromanage nor rule with an iron fist, it was lip service. He ran to MY boss, complaining about me and my qualifications; effectively questioning her judgment for selecting me. His line of reasoning was that when we last worked together, an entire year prior, I was not this motivated. I'd leave early if not busy. I'd joke around. I'd do the bare minimum. I was different. You're damn right I was. It was a year ago. Truth be told, there was truth to everything he said, albeit to much smaller levels than he claimed.

That was her response as well. Something to the effect of - first, I don't care what went on then. That was then, this is now. Is it possible he changed or grew up in a year? He's older, he's been through a divorce. Maybe his approach and/or goals have changed. Is that possible? He agreed it was possible.

Somewhere along the way, leadership decided to bring an IS to nights as a full time position so I could teach a larger class load. I'd enjoyed doing both but was insanely busy on a daily basis.

Last week or so, it reared its head again, however. It was, apparently, time for a practical joke at work with students. It was on a topic that we had been joking about amongst ourselves. So he stages his joke and involves the students. He did it in such a way that it s entirely disruptive. It created confusion and congestion in our halls. The students he involved are known for being unprofessional in their attitudes. This all took place on an evening that the full-time IS was home ill.

On a break he comments about his joke and asks me what I think. I replied that I wasn't amused. He doesn't understand how some things are funny to some people and others are not. The conversation ties up angrily as he calls me hypocritical for laughing about it amongst ourselves but not with students. I told him that the environment plays a part. He makes a face and that was, presumably, that.

I was mistaken. In my absence, he took up the cause of attempting to align others with him to garner support for his joke, which was truthfully not funny under any circumstances - I was annoyed it involved students, but it was really just a lame joke in the first place. As part of his recruitment pitch, he references a practical joke I played once and, again, mentions my hypocrisy. There a 2 defining differences. My joke was random where his was about a topic that had everyone already stressed, worried and upset - some things you just don't joke about with subordinates. The other difference was that mine was a year ago.

And now we are back to the fact that people change, or at least they should. Apparently, he has not. If that works for him, that's fantastic. But he holds others in lower esteem for being progressive with their lives. I did nothing in particular to mature a year's worth - I just lived another year. Other people specifically fight the natural personal evolution. As it turns out, these folks are left alone; and the must be exhausted trying to maintain in the process. I know one thing is for sure - people like that are the exception, not the rule and while being a child was carefree and fun, being an adult is full of opportunity that these people will miss out on, both personally and professionally.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Treatment has the word EAT in it

The video above shows some horrible behavior and cruel treatment of animals. I'll admit it's hard to watch. It sucks that animals are treated this way. Keep in mind that I am a carnivore. I'm not against eating animals. Truthfully, I'm not even against these slaughterhouses. It sucks and I feel bad but I'm not on some crazy crusade to shut them down. PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals, doesn't it? I'm all for ethical treatment where applicable. People beat their pets and that's insane. I have cats that are like my children. I'm often equated to the male variant of the proverbial crazy cat lady.

So if this is horrible, yet I love meat; saddened by this, yet not opposed to it; why the hell am I here talking about it? Well, I'll tell you why.

People go on tirades about the disgusting behavior and treatment at slaughterhouses constantly and tell us that it isn't fair. I'd say that it isn't fun or funny, but not fair? I'm not a bible thumper and I don't preach, but I'm pretty sure it is said that God gave us dominion over the animals. As a matter of fact, Genesis 1:16 says specifically, "The God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the Earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground'." People argue that it doesn't include terrible treatment.

Alright, we'll fast forward many, many years to 2011. Let's have free range farms and humane treatment. Is it ever humane to kill an animal? Nope, so that means we're all vegetarian. Let's say we'll do it in a way that's at least MORE humane. Who in the world is going to pay the prices that come with that? It takes more time, workers get paid more, they have less yield (meat, eggs, etc) and that non-savings gets passed onto the customer. If you want to take better care of the animals that are raised expressly for the purpose of being eaten, that's fine. However, if the prices to me in the store go up astronomically, I'm coming to you for subsidization.

How many people bitch and moan about the treatment of animals over a breakfast discussion with a bacon, egg and cheese omelette? They slaughtered a pic, over milked a cow and caged a hen for that breakfast, but it sure is tasty isn't it?

I guess watching this video let me see just how horrible it is and I certainly wasn't munching on sausage links while watching. However, I'm going to a barbecue in a little while and I'm gonna have a burger for sure. I think videos like this one create a level of hypocrisy. Anyone who has ever thought about a slaughterhouse, has to know it's not the nicest place in the world. It's a volume business and Americans do everything in large amounts of volume. 

That being said, it wasn't a fun video to watch and had some real disturbing images in it. So my solution... watch less videos about it, eat just as much meat. 

Doesn't say for WHICH people

I recall some document somewhere that says something along the lines of by the people, for the people. Does that ring a bell for anyone else? Today there was confirmation that government services are shutting down. This is the beginning of what could be a systemic collapse and create a dangerous environment in this country. The IRS is shutting down, the Smithsonian is closing its doors and most importantly, the military stops getting paid. I don't care what your views are about the war, the military cannot stop getting paid. This is all coming from the fact that the assholes in Washington cannot agree on budget cuts to be made. Party lines and ideologies are creating an impasse and our president has said there will be no more stopgap measures taken.

I love my country. I chose to serve it and put my life on the line for it and today I'm ashamed. I'm embarrassed. I'm disgusted. I'm let down. My country failed me. It's not about the money. It's not about the actual dollars. It's the reason why. It's how this came to be. It's the greed, the unyielding attitudes, regardless of the cost. It is pure shortsightedness and blind pride that creates this scenario. And yet, it is the uniformed servicemembers that are left holding Herman.

What about the people who are deployed? Do you think I have NO friends in a down range location getting mortared at the moment and doing it for free? Risking leaving behind a family as a volunteer. I'm one of the first in my building and the last to leave. I don't do it FOR the money but I sure as shit would not do it for free. There is so much pride in what I do, but pride doesn't keep the lights on. Apparently it does for congress because they'll keep getting paid through all of this.

I have an enlistment contract. If I stop showing up, I'm AWOL (Absent WithOut Leave) and I'm violation of that contract. Breach, if you will, and could be removed from duty. If they stop paying me, are they in breach. Can I quit? They don't have to hold up their end of the bargain. And believe me when I say they're getting a bargain. For almost a decade they've had my service and paid me a hair above the poverty line and well below my worth. I've missed births, deaths, weddings, holidays and more. I've grown apart from some and purely lost others. I did it for my country. I did it because I made a difference in the world. At no point has the military cared about MY world. I accepted that because I volunteered. I was compensated with love and pride and benefits and education and experience. The day our leaders care so little about us as to not even pay us the measly droppings they say we are worth is the day I lost the love and pride. As for the education, I can imagine the money the military pays for my school will dry up for now as well. I have the experience. Try as you may, Congress, you cannot take that from me.

I have my pride. My pride to hold my head up and do my job, for free, in the face of adversity.

You know why? When I enlisted I took an OATH. I VOWED to defend this country from all enemies both foreign and domestic. Congress, you may not take that vow seriously, but I do. I'll do my job 110% all day, every day, just like I always have, but know this - I'll only do it while I'm beholden to you. Today, you gave me a new mission... to ensure my own personal freedom and safety and that begins in a world where I can move and change and get promoted on my own merit. And it begins the day you release me from my vows. Until then... if you need me... I'll be the guy in uniform risking it all for you.

Opening day annoyances

It's opening day in baseball and I'm a NY Yankees fan and so begins the half of the year that I spend defending myself and my beloved Yankees. The attacks have already started, preemptively, and slightly more lighthearted in nature but they'll be in full swing. Before that happens, I'm going to break it down for you. If you're a NOT a Yankees fan, read this so you'll understand. If you are, give this to someone who is not so that they may be enlightened.

Year after year people (Yankees haters) criticize the Yankees and say they suck. We remind them that the Bronx Bombers have won 27 World Series and they when they do suck, they're just tired from winning so much. Then they throw at us, that the Yankees don't win championships, they buy them. Here's where the conversation gets hot.

None of the Yankees' championships have been earned. They have all be stolen by the riches of Steinbrenners. I understand that NY has an unfair advantage over Milwaukee with its demographic. New York has more people and amore affluence than most other locations. This means they can charge more for ticket prices and at the concessions and have their own TV channel (YES Network) and people will pay. The revenue turns into  higher salaries for players or more big name players. That's the breaks. We can't help that New York has more people living in it. I'm sorry that Kansas City is not a bustling metropolis spawned from turn of the century immigration, but it's not. More people = more money and New York just has it.

As for how that money is spent, let's address why we have the big names in NY. So if you have limitless funds or nearly limitless funds; you just won a $200 million PowerBall lottery... will the next car dealership you walk into be a Kia? You've been given an insane amount of funding for your new company, are you going to hire high school dropout and ex-convicts?

I'm pretty sure I've said, at least once before, the business of business is business. The business of sports is business... and winning (not in a Charlie Sheen way). If I have a team and the money to win, I'm going to make sure that happens. By the way, the money isn't buying the championship. The money is buying the talent to win the championship. League officials are not paid off to call the World Series in the Yankees favor (not any more than any other major league sports corruption anyway). I would hire the best people for the job in any industry and that's what happens in baseball with the Yankees. Are we here to lose?

If you think this is unfair, you may be right. But where is the onus? The MLBPA and the MLB have not instituted a salary cap. So, for now, the Yankees are playing the hand they are dealt. They have more money due to location and they use that to their advantage. That's smart business. So if you have a beef with the Yankees and the hight priced player, save it. Call the players' association and talk about leveling the playing field with a salary cap.

I'm just done hearing complaints that a team keeps winning when they are playing by the rules and doing well at it.

The Year of the Vig

Right before the start of 2011, I had a lot of good things happening. I was in the beginning of a relationship, new position at work, solid bunch of friends, and a decent bit of cash. It was supposed to be the year of the Vig, as far as I was concerned. Since 2001, every year had some soft of upheaval from 9/11 to my enlistment and deployments; even a divorce. So, 2011 was going to be my year. By the end of February, things had changed. First the relationship tanked. Shortly thereafter, management decided to make a change and I was ousted from my new position - realistically, they needed someone to do the job full time which I couldn't do along with teaching. Either way, it was a new and exciting opportunity that fell apart. The first few months of 2011 have been a roller coaster ride with more ups and downs than the closing price of the Dow Jones index.

Relationships come and go and those that revolve around insanity, fluctuations, and an overall inability to act like an adult leave not so distraught. Any breakup is a loss or, at least, an adjustment. So I adjusted. I still had enough going for me. That's when the job shit hit me. Once again, I understand the reasoning and it truly does make sense at the end of the day, but it's still something else that was taken away.

Lately, the friend thing has taken a hit as well. I haven't lost friends, but it seems that the instant switch from Mississippi cold to heat has short circuited the brains of some people. I just feel drama around lots of people. And it's not just with me and my friends. It's with some friends and other friends. It's between totally separate groups of people that I overhear at work and other places. I don't get it.

Why don't people just let others be? If you don't like someone, ignore them. Why start shit? If someone at work isn't pulling their weight (by your standards), tough. Pick up the slack. Maybe it sucks now, but you'll go places and they won't. If your friend has more money than you, use it at motivation to make more or do more or be progressive about your life. I wanna be 10 again where we rode our bikes, knocked on a door and asked Jimmy's mom if he could come out and play. If he could, great; if not, we knocked on a different door. There was no judgment back then. We all live our lives under a microscope and I feel it's because the people who we CHOOSE to call our friends are constantly holding us accountable for doing (or not doing) what THEY want.

So, despite the curve balls (which are only a little league kinda curve) that life has thrown me so far in 2011, I've made a decision. This year IS the year of the Vig. I don't care about any other drama. I'm pumping out tons of content five websites on a weekly basis or more. My cash flow is well in the positive direction. I'm gaining lots of traction with companies about social media and tech projects.

I don't need drama and refuse to accept it into my life. I live MY life. I'm single, I'm alone. I do what I need to do to be fiscally sound, progress in my life (school, business), and be happy. If you want to join me, I'd love to have you along for the ride. We'll have a few beers, many laughs, take some pictures for posterity and enjoy our time. If you don't, ok then - do your thing. Run your race.

I'm going to work my ass off at my full-time job, keep plugging away at school, provide informational/entertaining content across all my endeavors and spend time with people who are simple. If you're judgmental about how I live, go away. If you create drama, go away. If you have a hard time just meeting up for a good time, go away. Oh... yeah... If you're a megaphone mouth that has to tell the world everything you hear and don't know the definitions of - secret, tact, confidence, go away. If none of that sounds like you and you're a dependable, trustworthy, and affable individual who adds positive to value to my life, call me immediately.

This is not directed at someone in particular; not even in a subdued kinda way. I'm not being cryptic. I'm just saying, I'm getting refocused - this time on me and what my life needs. In 2 years, it will undergo a huge change and I want to be as prepared as possible and most of that comes from the mental standpoint. I also want to enjoy my life along the way.

So this year, 2011, is absolutely, 100%, indubitably, the year of the Vig. Maybe not for you, but you're not me in the first place, are you? Good things will happen for me, because I will make it so. Hopefully, good people will join me in the process.

Good luck

I recall recently talking about luck. I said that there is no luck. Luck is merely recognizing opportunity. I was thinking about luck a little further this morning. See... this morning I took a test that will, in part, determine if I get promoted in the Air Force. Naturally, everyone chimed in this morning via text, email, social networking, etc to wish me luck.

First of all, I do very much appreciate the well wishes and votes of confidence. In no way, do I mean to detract from the intent there. My thoughts are about language usage as a culture. It seems that saying "good luck" to someone before a test, event, etc is silly and, in some ways, offensive. Again, the way it has come to be used, it is nothing but good wishes, but the literal verbiage seems away from the intent.

When someone is going to test or perform or be in a sporting event, it would seem that they are there because of their skills. They will do well due to preparation, practice and ability. Wishing someone luck, by definition, implies that doing well is not within the realm of control. We should say "you'll do well" or, simply, "do well." I think I'll start that trend in my life. When someone asks me, "aren't you going to wish me luck?" I'll say, "No. you studied so do well. I won't wish for an intangible force to guide you because I believe you have the ability to complete this on your own." Maybe I'll be less verbose, but you get the idea.

I guess the current connotation of words is more important than the dictionary definition. For example, it doesn't matter what the dictionary says, nobody is running around proclaiming "I'm gay" when they are simply in a good mood. I guess that is what happens when a word is used over and over again. It becomes colloquial.

So maybe I'm being too literal, but it was something that crossed my mind. Maybe if I had less thoughts like this there would be more room for the stuff I studied so I wouldn't need the luck in the first place. Maybe I'm fried from my test and rambling.

Just Say It

Why do so many people have a hard time just opening their mouths and spitting out the words they have to say to another person? I'll never understand this. Communication amongst people sucks. This why we have so many damn problems. Nobody talks anymore. If you've got a beef, just say it.

I think very few people out there go out of their way to hurt people they know. Most times it's a misunderstanding or the person hurt is collateral damage. So if you're pissed at me, it's one of the following:

1. You misunderstood what I said and I wasn't being hurtful at all.
2. It's something I feel personally deeply about but it's not aimed at you.
3. I did a poor job of saying it the way I meant it and gave you the wrong idea.
4. The medium of choice (email, text, internet) left out inflection, tone and body language so there's no way the message was gonna get across.
5. It was overheard and, therefore, out of context.
6. Finally, we are out of regular touch so there's no way you can possible know exactly what I'm thinking.

Notice that NONE of the above are about being hurtful. So, if you know me, you didn't need to read the above. I go out of my way to be there for friends, 100% of the time. If you think differently, then you haven't been paying attention.

That being said, why in the world would someone decide I did something that pissed them off when we haven't spoken in a month or more, use that opportunity to digitally cut me out of their life (when we haven't spoken in a month or more), and then tell everyone "he pissed me off." Nobody cares. Nobody understands. Nobody even thinks it's realistic since they know that it's hard to piss off someone you don't see or talk to or interact with in any way.

If it was true, why not say "Dude, that was a prick move on your part." Give me a chance to explain or at least know why you feel that way. Don't be a sneak about it. Don't run off and not tell the person then bow up in front of mutual friends like you did something. Asinine behavior. Beer muscles is what it was.

Now, before you come back at me and mention my last 2 blogs that were cryptic in the same way I'm complaining about. Here's the difference, as I see it:

1. I wasn't talking so much about individuals specifically as much as i was in general about the way to do things. It was allegorical.
2. I don't have a beef with the people I referenced in the most recent blog. Not a huge fan of individual scenarios, but I love the folks nonetheless.
3. Part of the topic was that people choose sides and walk away, leaving little recourse to share your thoughts even if you wanted to.

The funny part is that 2 blogs ago was about 2 people. One of them was linked to the situation in the last blog and is part of today's. Just goes to show that one person can do lots of damage when acting inappropriately, immaturely and irrationally.

This wasn't supposed to be about the situation. This was supposed to be about my lack of understanding as to why people cannot communicate. It's the most important thing in the world.

Be Your Own Person

I may sometimes be labeled as stubborn, bull-headed, rigid, unyielding, or mulish. I like to think of myself as determined, strong-minded, tenacious, or strong-willed. Either way, the point is that I don't easily let go of how I feel about something. I also, generally, feel deeply one way or the other about it. I rarely waffle or float in the middle. Frankly, I'm less of a fan of centrists than I am leftists (politically speaking). Naturally, I like when people agree with me - we all do. It makes life easier when people agree with something we believe in strongly.

If people are not going to agree with me deeply, I prefer them to disagree sharply. Why? Because I respect people who take a stand and are not easily influenced. I really have a hard time dealing with someone who is like a feather in a current of air being pushed around any little breeze. Be an adult, "man up" as they say, and make a decision. Feel something. Decide something. Be your own person.

That also holds true when it comes to feeling toward a friend. Yes, this rant was going somewhere all along and now that the stage is set, we can truly begin. No matter what your two dopey friends tell you; the relationship is not going to last and when they break up, things are gonna be awkward. It's going to leave you in the middle. Sorry, but that's what happens. It is an unfortunate and unnecessary responsibility for you to bear the weight of, but that's what we call collateral damage. So, make a decision.

You will either:

1. Choose one side
2. Choose the other side
3. Make an effort to remain neutral.

Remaining neutral requires more work than anything else. You'd think it would require less but nothing could be further from the truth. You would think that you just do nothing at all and there you go. Wrong-o pal! You have to manage both relationships.

Realistically, that's the right thing to do. It sucks, I get it. It's not fair, roger that. But it's the right thing to do. The right thing often is the hardest. There's that climb to the high road.

In MY life, that doesn't happen. I'm second fiddle. I knew it would happen. I felt the shift. I caught the chilly tingle of an inadvertent cold shoulder. Then I realized that it was over. It was complete. That's fine. It happens. Luckily for me, I don't put all my eggs in one loosely constructed friendship basket. So I don't end up alone.

My problem isn't that people go a different direction in life. My problem isn't even that people's directions conflicts with mine. That's what makes the world go 'round. My beef is quiet simply that some people don't choose to go a different direction. They are influenced by others. My problem is that certain friends have excluded me from certain things at the behest of another individual. Since when do we, as adults, allow ourselves to be enslaved in our decision making processes? It is especially annoying because the decision maker is not a spouse or anyone other than friend. This friend was just as close as I was. Yet, here I am low on the priority scale.

And just to make sure we have some icing on this cake, when I run into the friends that I no longer see, due to this wacky person's requests, they pretend none of it is happening. They laden the conversation with "I miss you" and "we need to hang out" and "it's been so long since we all hung out," when in reality, they've had every opportunity and chose not to use it because someone else told them so. Treating me like a fool who doesn't know that it is happening is the cherry on top of the icing.

So, here's the deal. Are you ready?

1. Be an adult and see your friends regardless if whether their ex-partner/friend/etc says not to
2. If you have to drop anyone, drop the one trying to make you choose
3. If you're ridiculous enough to do neither of the above, come out with it and say
4. Finally, never under any circumstances add insult to injury by pretending the one you cut out doesn't see/feel it happening.

I'm sure this will change nothing in my present situation and most people will not heed it and prevent it in their own lives in the future. That's just the way it goes. People who get pushed around, just get pushed around.

As for the one doing the pushing... if you read this, you're a spineless individual as well. Pushing around people that allow it doesn't make you anything more than a manipulative, puppeteer, but we knew this about you already, didn't we?

Trusting my instincts

Twice in the past two days people showed their true colors and confirmed my initial suspicions about how they conduct business. I've always prided myself on being a good judge of character and my ability to read people. Lately, however, I feel I've lost that edge and I have accepted the bill of sale handed me by others about people. I should trust my instincts.

One individual is a guy I met about a year and a half ago. I had a feeling about this guy from from the get-go. Something about him told me that he was not a person of outstanding character. He was included in a group of people I spent time with and was vouched for by all of them. Reluctantly, I accepted him with full credibility. I figured I was misreading this person if everyone else could stand behind his judgment. Over time, I had sneaking suspicions that I may have been right, but without confirmation. Again I was told that I'm reading into it and to let it go. Then there was some blatantly inappropriate behavior that indirectly affected me on the personal side. He was out of my inner loop immediately. Then there was a professional issue which made me collateral damage to his inability to do what is right, have integrity, or show any semblance of a work ethic. He was out of my professional loop. As it turns out, a slew of information about choices he's made have come to light. I had him pegged from minute one. I should have stuck to my guns. He was exactly the person I thought him to be - only he took it to a whole other level of sneakiness.

I forgive a lot of people their indiscretions for two reasons. The first is that if it doesn't affect me, I'm in no place to judge. The other is that, those who know me a long time can attest to the fact that I've made my share of mistakes and then some. One thing I can't seem to overlook is when someone is a sneak. It violates my trust to the core for that person about everything. I knew it.

The other one is actually much worse. I knew a female who was a decent friend and fun whenever we had beers. Seemed attractive and sweet but there was something else that I wasn't sure about. She seemed very rigid in some ways. Her way or no way. All or none. Jump through her hoops or she wants no part. When things took a turn and we got closer as friends with a hint of romanticism, I backed away sharply. I was told over and over again by mutual friends that it's a defensive posture she sets up for herself but she's not that way. I was convinced to dig in my heels and get passed it and I'd see. I bought this load of nonsense hook, line and sinker. We dated casually. We grew closer. All of a sudden she went VFR direct from a sweet girl in my life to an overreacting maniac to which there was no reasoning. After the fact, some folks on the outskirts of the group of friends told me they saw this coming. The inner circle was agape.

If there was to be no romance, there would be time for the dust to settle and back to square one as friends. I was for it. I even stayed in basic contact with members of her family to the point that there was a long exchange with a member of her nuclear family during which I received an apology for being on the receiving side of her irrational reactions along with an explanation for the catalyst and a recommendation for going forward should we try for round two - neither of which I'll divulge out of respect for the promise I made that day.

So what happened? I checked in with her while she was in recovery from a procedure. Barely got a response. I know what you're thinking and I'll tell you that I knew she wanted no contact from a bunch of people and was getting daily updates from the person that she kept close. I approached her only after I  was told that the coast was clear and she was up to being in touch again. Then things of mine she had and was due to give me the next time we hung out appeared on my desk at work. Then her and her family disappeared from Facebook. So, no friends at all. This has now created an awkward situation considering the mutual friends are still friends with both of us and, clearly, hanging out like nothing happened would be an issue.

During the brief stint while things were terrific, it was my job to provide near hourly assurance that if the bottom fell out, I would always be there and we would go back to how it was and not worse. Promises were made, promises were not kept. I know how it goes. You're friends, you date, you want to be friends again - in reality, you never are. It changes. "It doesn't have to. We won't let it." So I agreed and assured her for my part. Here we stand today. Not together, not friends, not even well enough to peacefully coexist on a social networking site with 500 million others. And to think that when she pleaded to return a minor amount of cash to me I laid out for some things, I refused because we're closer and better friends than that. I didn't get an explanation.

I knew that she wasn't someone who prepared to alter her life even an iota for someone she claimed wasn't important. I knew she was independent enough to want her way constantly and react adversely the moment she didn't get it. I saw all this coming. But in a moment of goofy guy weakness I fell for the wiles of a pretty girl. My inner ability to read people being the angel on one shoulder and my friends saying "it'll be fine, go for it" the devil on the other. Should have stuck to my instincts yet again.

The other thing I can't tolerate in addition to sneakiness, is hypocrisy. I don't expect people to do what I want or meet my expectations and I'm fully aware that, as a human, my expectations may be self-serving at times and slightly unreasonable. This is where our confidants put us in check as the voice of reason. That aside I have one expectation from people - do what you say you will. I don't expect you to call me at a certain time or come over on a particular day. But if YOU say, "Dude, I'll be at your house at 3pm sharp on Saturday" and when I call at 3:15pm to see what happend and you say, "oh I changed my mind" I'm gonna be pissed you couldn't pick up the phone like an adult and let me know. Even worse is the disappearing act. You don't have to help me out with a, b, or c, but if you promise you will, then show up and do it. YOU said you'd do it, not me. Can't do one thing and say another. Can't bitch about your weight while spitting Arby's curly fries all over me. Can't complain about how the next door neighbor gossips as part of a story you overheard through the fence from their backyard. It's one or it's the other.

To my friends who try to sway me and sell me on someone I'm a little stand-offish about... don't. It's my time to trust my gut again. It has always been a point of pride that I could read people and I've let my guard down. Maybe I'm out of the city too long. Maybe I need to be back in the corporate world to find my appropriate level of cynicism. Does jadedness fade? I understand you are trying to help but your misguided attempts make you more like The Great Gazoo of my life.

I'm sure neither one of these people will read this, nor will anyone else that can make the connection. For all I know, I'm talking to myself half the time, which is kind of a shame. I'd LOVE for either one to address this like adults. Even if they see it, they wouldn't because I have them dead to rights on how they conduct themselves. All could have been avoided if I just listened to myself.

People or animals?

So I got roped into some stupid survey online as I was procrastinating this morning. At one point I came across a question and it's possible answers that read:

• Which is worse; starving children or abused animals?
• Starving children
• Abused animals
• Neither, both are good
• Neither, both are equally bad

There was immediately one choice available for me. First of all, let's go ahead and discount the "both are good" answer since that's just inane. I cannot imagine anyone also saying that abused animals are worse than starving children either, so we'll count that one out. This still leaves 2 answers. It still seems like an open and shut case, but for some reason I'm surprised at the answer I saw other people choose. And since I never learn my lesson when it comes to dealing with people online, I'm surprised that I'm surprised. Realistically, I should have seen this coming.

The answer that surprised me was "neither, both are equally bad." How can this be? One is an animal and the other is a human being. Just to be 100% sure we are clear here - I'm a pet owner. I have nothing against animals. I'm often made fun of for how I treat my little furry friends like people and my children. I love them dearly. At no point do they actually equal people though - ever.

We have a limited about of resources (be it time or money) and that should not be split down the middle for children and animals. Remember, animals were wild creatures that we'd eat until we, as humans, chose to domesticate them and keep them as pets. They don't work or pay the rent. They don't provide meaningful conversation. They depend on us because we made it so. Children depend on us because they are incapable or sustaining themselves, they are our offspring, and our species rears its children.

I'm not saying we should all take classes on how to make extra cash by Michael Vick. I'm not even saying you should stop helping prevent animal cruelty or abuse. But in what world is an animal and a child worth the same? If there's a starving a child and an abused animal side by side and you have enough time or money to help only one... would you really have to stop and wonder which way to go?

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not sensitive enough to certain things. I don't know. The only thing I do know is that a PERSON will always hold more importance than an animal to me.

I don't understand what you meme

Once again I find myself in a love-hate relationship with the Internet. It's really a very important thing to society and me personally. But the Web 2.0/Social Media movement leaves me fearful. I shouldn't be because people aren't any different than before. We just get to hear more of what used to be their inner monologues or things that were said one-on-one during personal conversations.

It seems that the social side of the web has enabled everyone to rally support for a cause. This is a fantastic ability. The unfortunate nature of our fickle society means we rally around a new cause as often as we change our underpants. Additionally, putting things in text makes it easier to associate feeling words that don't necessarily reflect how we actually feel. You wouldn't tell someone you love or hate them in person unless the feeling was very truly there. Slinging those words around online seems to come much more naturally.

By the way, a meme (pronounced meem) is a fairly new word that revolves around an idea or belief that is transferred from one person to another. The reposting, retweeting, reblogging that happens online where one person says something and before you know it, all 300 of your Facebook friends are saying the same thing is an example of an Internet meme. It is not totally dissimilar from the chain letters of yesteryear. Sometimes these memes are funny, but more often than not, they are annoying and pointless and exhibit the "drama queen" nature of social networking participants.

Some time ago there was the Facebook meme that required users to change their default photo to that of a cartoon character in order to raise awareness for and prevent child abuse. I still fail to make the connection between thumbnails of cartoon characters and child abuse prevention. There have been others. Post a picture of your pet to prevent animal cruelty. What is the line of thinking here? That the offenders will see these pics and have a crisis of conscience and mend their evil ways? That would imply rational thought, something the deviants who commit these crimes lack in the first place.

Last week was some anniversary of the rapper Notorious B.I.G. He was shot and killed many years ago. I believe I read this was the tenth. In any event, my Twitter feed was peppered with 140 characters worth of gangster rap lyrics by the dead crack dealer turned rapper; all taken out of context to illustrate some poetic justice about the all too soon passing of a musical visionary. The guy could rhyme. So could Dr. Seuss but he didn't go to jail on a weapons charge. Of course, people were weeping on their virtual walls and asking the "why?" to the great virtual abyss. Some were reminding the still anonymous assailant that he is worthless and robbed us of our musical culture. People were literally crying little digital tears throughout the day. One poster mentioned she just couldn't find her way to work that morning, as she was too upset about it all. You have GOT to be kidding me.

Two days ago, Japan was brutally assaulted by a tsunami as a result of an 8.8 magnitude earthquake. This is awful. It created death and destruction. People are missing and unaccounted for. Terrible news indeed. Hearing about these events in the world saddens me. I've felt the pain of having family and friends of ripped away suddenly during a catastrophe. I wish everyone in Japan the best and I hope they can recover from this. First it was the atomic bomb, then Godzilla, now this. Poor Japanese folks have it rough.

I'm not making light of the situation, truly I'm not. What I'm also NOT doing is pouring my heart out and praying for everyone. I'm not heartbroken. I'm not devastated. The denizens of affected areas are devastated. I'm sympathetic to their plight but certainly cannot empathize, seeing as how the closest I've come to a tidal wave was when some quarter-ton bimbo did the bikini bonsai into my pool (notice the alliterative Japanese reference there?). So let's get back to the real issue here - Americans are heartbroken and devastated. Is that really possible? I had to define these two words. Heartbroken = suffering from overwhelming distress. Devastate = destroy or ruin. Both of those sound like feelings that there's no coming back from.

To make matters worse, shortly after the event, up cropped the messages to text "help" to 123456 and donate $10 to the Red Cross for aid for Japan. You can text JayVig to 50500 and get contact information for me. What's the correlation? Setting up a text message service like that takes all of about 5 minutes. Do you know your 10 bucks is going to the Red Cross? Do you know it's only $10? Even if both are true, how much of the $10 you appropriate to Japan will find Japan and how much will be used for "overhead" of the organization? If you are into blindly sending money across the Information Superhighway in hopes it lands at its intended destination, I have a solution. Send it to me. I promise I will NOT use it as intended, but at least you won't be left wondering.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be upset or concerned. I'm not saying you shouldn't help. I'm just saying that your level of distress should be commensurate with your involvement and more importantly, a sane perspective. If you are truly devastated over what happened in Japan or go to pieces when you remember that the ex-convict rapper died a decade ago, how will you handle things that actually happen to YOU or your family?

Can we have some semblance of sense and react in a way that is not analogous to running around with our hair on fire?

Study what it means, not just the numbers

I got about halfway through an article on NavyTimes.com this morning about ethnic diversity within military leadership. I would have read the whole thing but I was disgusted by how ludicrous, inane, asinine, etc one article could be. A report from 2009 said that 77% of leadership across the military is comprised of white males. The study, commissioned by Congress, claims this is caused by several factors, one of which is the inability for females to serve in combat positions. "Efforts over the years to develop a more equal opportunity military have increased the number of women and racial and ethnic minorities in the ranks of leadership. But, the report said, “despite undeniable successes ... the armed forces have not yet succeeded in developing a continuing stream of leaders who are as diverse as the nation they serve.”

There is so much wrong with this article that I'm not really sure where to begin. Looking at the Air Force, for example, we have females in all levels of leadership. We don't have the combat positions of the Army. That doesn't apply to the Air Force nearly as much as other branches of service. I do not know about the Navy's level of combat positions and how that applies. Whether you like it or not, women and ment are anatomically and physiologically different. That means that not everyone is cut out for the same job at the same level. If a woman is capable of doing the job, then so be it. The lack of woman in combat positions is not military saying "we don't them there." It's about mission capability and that's the decision. Retired General Lyles commented how women never complained about missing combat or were anxious to get into it, by and large. They want to serve where their skills allow. Putting women into combat situations brings up other sticky issues. There are, very often, a lack of facilities in the field. Women would be forced to sleep, shower, and change in the same areas as men. Combat positions are, however, crucial to promotions at the highest levels of leadership.

77% are white males. How many African-Americans or Hispanics you ask? 8% and 5% respectively. Let's remember that this study was commissioned by Congress. And the rates among them? 9.5% and 3%. How can Congress complain about the percentage of whites leading the military when Congress has a higher percentage themselves? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

It's not about discrimination. It is qualified individuals leading our military. The current commander of Second Air Force, which is responsible for Basic Military Training and Technical Training for EVERY single enlistee, is Major General Mary Hertog. It is safe to say that women are making an impact in the military environment.

Of the 435 members of Congress only 121 have military experience as well. That is a mere 27%.

Given the current economic climate and government or military budget cuts, is an independent study like this the smartest and most worthwhile use of our resources?

This post was not well thought out and had a terrible flow. This is due to the insanity of the article and the personal offense I take with it. One of my two greatest military heroes during my career was a female, Major Keren Preston. I love her as a person. I respect her as a leader and she has helped shape me throughout my career into the best possible Non-Commissioned Officer I can be. Oh, and she's African American.

EDIT: I forgot about the promotion system. For enlisted personnel, there are several factors - time in grade, time in service, 2 tests, awards/decorations, performance reports. Your career is in your hands. For officers, there are boards, there are things the individual can do to improve scores. Personal readiness and physical fitness play a part. Once again, career is in your own hands. As someone mentioned to me, once an officer is selected for General, it requires an act of Congress to approve. So if Congress doesn't see enough of a particular demographic in leadership positions... maybe it's THEM.

Always remember, if the opposite of pro is con. What's the opposite of progress?

The pedestal of sports figures

February and March are difficult times of the year. Baseball hasn't quite ramped up yet and football is already long over. When football ends, I feel like someone has just broken up with me. Usually, it is ok because I know it'll be back. This year I'm not so sure. Collective bargaining has hit a standstill. Honestly, I haven't kept up with it much.

Everyone likes to get on the cases of professional players for how much money they make. They are getting all this money for playing a game. You know I'm a capitalist so I'm not going to complain. They deserve the money. They are in peak physical condition - better than you or I. They take a beating during every game. Their careers last a fraction of the time of the average person. AND... supply and demand. We pay the stadium prices and everything else so we're funding those salaries. So, that's that.

Yet in the same way that we are fickle about everything else we pan them for the money they make on one day and put them on a pedestal the next. We expect them to be better people. Why? Because they're in the public spotlight and are heroes to our children? That would be nice if the ability to throw a ball REALLY far made you a better person with moral acumen. We get degenerates in all professions. Politicians are the most crooked of the bunch and they make decisions that affect our lives.

So Brett Favre sent picture of his junk to a woman when he played for the Jets. Brett Favre is married. What? A married man has strayed? Say it ain't so. People condemned him for that because he's a hero and a role model. Why is he a hero? Why did you start to like him in the first place? Because he's good at his job. He is still good at his job (ok, he's old and now probably finally retired, but this event happened while he still played and went on for a while).

Everyone loves Big Ben Roethlisberger. Then he got accused of raping a girl and he was vilified before it event went to court. Then it turned out he was innocent. And everyone screamed "PAYOFF" from the rafters of Heinz Field. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. I wasn't there. All I know is that legally, he's innocent. Nobody knows the truth but him and the girl. Then it came close to Super Bowl time and everyone forgot the story and loved him again.

Meanwhile, we've got players on other teams who fall below the radar and nobody gives a shit what they do. Antonio Cromartie, who is a cornerback for my beloved Jets, can barely spell his name. And in 2011, many stars are public. He posted this on his Twitter, "Mike Miller has missed 3 open shots this is y u here let's go." Apparently, he was watching basketball. I believe it was supposed to read "Mike Miller has missed 3 open shots. This is why you are here. Let's go." The string of words and random letters required translating. Unfortunately, this is not the most illiterate of the tweets. I see it amongst most of the players - the college educated players.

Why does nobody say anything about them? Are they not popular enough as players to be required to be intelligent, decent functioning members of society off the field. Frankly, I take bigger issue with the stupidity than the poor choices of people like Favre and Big Ben. I don't condone the nonsense by either one, first of all. But I also don't understand the life they live. Being on the road, pressure to perform, surrounded by people that want a piece of you - literally, figuratively, financially, the aches/pains. I'd get lost in my own head and make a bad choice too under those circumstances.

The other ones... are just dopes. Educated but ignorant. You can't fix stupid, no matter how hard you try. The hypocrisy of fans annoys me. Holding people to different standards because they are more known or less known. That's the true ignorance. Either require everyone to be decent people or don't. Accept that people will make mistakes or don't.

For me... I want to see Mark Sanchez throw the ball far. I want to see Santonio Holmes catch it in the end zone. I want Revis to tackle someone, Mangold to protect Sanchez, etc, etc. What they do after the game is their business. Nobody is peeking in my window because I'm not of any importance to the public and I'd scream invasion of privacy if they did. Why are these guys any different? Cheer them on while on the field. Leave them alone while off the field.

As for the image they put in front of your kids, I have three words. BE A PARENT! Keep your kid off ESPN.com, away from the 6 o'clock news, and sheltered from any other news he or she is not old enough to rightfully comprehend.

The Extent of Freedom

Anytime a person does something that someone else doesn't like, the perpetrator says, "It's a free country. I can do what I want." I bet of the offended party socked them in the jaw and said, "It's a free country. I can do what I want," the one who got hit would be just as offended. I've always believed that our freedoms extend to the point at which they impinge on another's freedoms. See... if we are ALL afforded freedom then it can never go so far to negatively impact someone else's. I have no choice but to sacrifice SOME of my freedom to ensure everyone else has their's. It is the responsibility of every American based on the human decency and common courtesy. Unfortunately, it isn't a prevalent as it should be.

You may have heard of a group of extremists called the Westboro Baptist Church. These are folks that picket and protest at military funerals. Their actions are simply deplorable. Follow their logical to a very illogical end. They say that soldiers are dying because God is angry with our tolerance of homosexuality in this country. Signs are displayed at these funerals that say "God loves dead soldiers" or "God hates fags." I am unable to make the leap from end to end because this is not a war for or against homosexuality. Until recently, the military did not openly support homosexuality.

Just this very morning the Supreme Court upheld a ruling that their protests are protected speech. This is where I have a problem. Truth be told, I have TONS of problems with this. Let's look at all that is wrong here and maybe find possible solutions.

1. The only reason these folks have the ability to speak their minds freely is because our military and government has fought and died over and again to protect and sustain the values of United States of America. Let them live under an oppressive rule that censors them like Iran or China... or North Korea, Libya, Saddam Hussein's version of Iraq, Taliban led Afghanistan, Pakistan and countless other countries.
2. Is it not the constitutionally protected right of the family to bury their military family members based on their religious preference and having Westboro wackos present interrupts that?
3. Can I use my freedom of speech to be rude and inflammatory to strangers and insult them? Can I use that freedom to degrade someone else? That impinges on their freedoms. Does Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness sound familiar?
4. If it's untrue, that's the end of the line. If I speak it, it's slander. If I print it, it's libel. They believe it to be true. That is the magic of faith. The recipients of their message may believe differently and should not have their moment of morning subjugated by overbearing people who are louder.

I don't believe that just because they are 1,000 feet from the building it is ok. I do not believe that unrefined speech is ok because the topics are matters of public import. Chief Justice Roberts, you have failed today in this decision. Justice Alito, on the other hand, had a wonderful sentiment, "In order to have a society in which public issues can be openly and vigorously debated it is not necessary to allow the brutalization of innocent victim.

That brings me to another point. If these cuckoo birds from the Westboro Baptist Church, which incidentally is not connected to any other Baptist Church and does not fall in line with Baptist leadership and is comprised of mostly one extremely large family, want to be mad at the military member, so be it. It's stupid and uncalled for and I don't get it, but fine. At what point did the grieving family earn these attacks?

Finally, let's look at choice. I speak about choice often. I speak about accountability for one's own actions as well. People choose to leave their home countries and nations of origin every day for greener pastures and better opportunities. Never is it people leaving from here. When is the last time a Connecticut family said, "We just can't take this anymore, let's risk our lives to sail to England." People literally do anything to get here or die trying. We must be doing something right. We are not without our problems, I get it, but people from all over the world come here to get their lives on track. We can come here or go elsewhere.

With that said, Westboro Baptist Church, its leaders and its members, here is a message to you. If America is angering God and you don't wanna be caught up in the wrath... feel free to SHUT UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT!

Eat it or don't, but you know what you're getting

From Facebook posts, to links on walls to tweets to op-ed pieces online, people have been recently talking about the McDonald's Oatmeal. Here's the shocking news... it's unhealthy. Shocked? Maybe a little because it's oatmeal. Then again... it isn't just oatmeal. It's McDonald's oatmeal. Maybe you're not surprised but many people are. Nothing at McDonald's is healthy. It's greasy, fatty, processed, disgusting food. Don't get me wrong. I love McDonald's. But I love it for what it is. Tasty, unhealthy, convenient food. I don't love it because it falls in line with healthy living or a conscious choice to eat well. The NY Times commentator mentioned that McDonald's pulls in $16.5 billion annually, which is just under the GDP of Afghanistan. They're not a small, new company that can pull the wool over your eyes.

This is not about McDonald's. This is not about oatmeal. This is about expectations and being realistic. If you think you can go to McD's every day and just get an oatmeal to be healthy, you're fooling yourself and, frankly, get what you deserve when you balloon up a whole bunch of pounds. We are all so entitled... in our minds. We deserve to know this. We shouldn't be fooled. We should this and shouldn't that and deserve this and are owed that. Grow up, people. You deserve to pay attention to what you buy, use, ingest and basically surround your life with. It's your life. As I've said a million times before - the business of business is business. You think McDonald's cares about your health? They care about the health of their share prices. You think Whole Foods cares about your health? No. They sell you healthy shit because they know you'll overpay for it so you can eat that and use your treadmill as a hat rack. They are there to make a buck. Is it cynicism that makes me this way? No. It's my inability to keep my head in the sand, only to pull it out when looking at the world through rose colored glasses (2-for-1 sale on cliches today).

I don't make great choices when it comes to food. But when I'm 900 pounds smoking through a hole in my throat praying the Cirrhosis goes away, I'll have a drink and say cheers to knowing I was making bad choices. The point is that, while I may not do what's right for my body, I know I'm doing it and I'll take full responsibility when the time comes or hopefully have an epiphany and commit to change before I need to take responsibility.

I won't sue Marlboro for the Emphysema. I won't require a new, larger "Warning: Coffee is hot" label when I spill it on my lap. If you buy coffee and don't expect it to be hot, just dump it on your head and save us all the trouble. Meanwhile, as an aside, if someone got coffee and spilled it and it was lukewarm, they'd go back for a new one and while they were there they'd say, "I spilled this and need another one and by the way, can you make this one hot? I didn't pay for room temperature coffee. Do your damn job." Damned if you do, damned if you don't, as they say.

Take a look a the minimum wage high schoolers (or high school dropouts, depending on the time of day) working at McDonald's. Do you think they're handcrafting your meals in the back. Are they using real rolled oats and sprinkling cinnamon and sugar with creative care and culinary pride? They sling a bowl in the microwave, pop a lid on it, pretend to smile and overcharge you.

You're paying too much for unhealthy food. You know it. I know it. They certainly know it. Yet we all keep doing it. Let McD's make even just $1 billion next year and see what happens. If I offer to sell you a punch in the nose for a buck and you take it, that's your bad for doing it, not mine for suggesting it. So until McDonald's starts detouring you into their parking lot and mugging you... realize it's a choice.

Oh... and for the folks that get on their case for their advertising, here's a thought. I know they say "100 percent natural whole-grain oats, plump raisins, sweet cranberries, and fresh crisp apples." Not a lie. That is exactly the product list in the oatmeal. At least that is what they purchased. They took those items and modified and preserved them in way that they are ready to be flung through a drive-through window into your car. The other ingredients that make it unhealthy do the same job.

Once again, buyer beware. If you want to hand over your hard earned money to someone, it's your job to make sure it's worthwhile. They just sell the stuff, that's their interest. Your health and finances should be yours.

Leave comments and I'll reply when I get back from the drive-through.