A new way to give thanks

I’ve been reducing my social media usage lately. I find Facebook to be increasingly negative and full of polarizing rhetoric minus the original, genuine, and thought provoking content. I’ve completely disabled my Twitter account. I will maintain Facebook as it’s the sole connection to point to many people. Instagram is fun and simple, but mostly consists of posting pictures of Nicky, food, or Nicky eating food. I spend most of my time on LinkedIn. People think it’s for job hunting only but that’s a small percentage. I learn about my industry and others. I learn from leaders. I network with people who will advance my career, but, more importantly, my knowledge and understanding of so many topics. And it’s devoid of politics, bickering, begging for likes, and Tasty videos. I got my job on LinkedIn and have hired for my team using it.

On another note, my work travel is no secret. This year I’ll fly about 75,000 miles across 14 or so trips. I’ll be in 3 countries and 5 time zones. Hotel staff in certain places know me by face and name. It’s exhausting, but the means to a very rewarding end. And as a wonderful bonus, I accrue piles upon piles of points. Every credit card purchase accrues points. Dining and travel do so at 3x the rate. I use it for all my hotels and dining when I travel. And I get airline points for my flights. Of course I get reimbursed for my expenses, but I keep the points. Here’s the rub. After all my work travel, I don’t want to be in an airport or hotel for fun, so I don’t use them.

All those years in the military I was far from home. I had to fly home on Uncle Sam’s meager salary for holidays. I rarely had the cash to do it. My parents picked up the tab at Christmas in the early days and I scraped together cash for the rest. But that was for Christmas only. Never for Thanksgiving. Most years, I had friends to eat with. Later on, we invited young Airmen over to feed who were the earlier versions of me. But nothing was as good as it would have been to be home. But I couldn’t, so I didn’t. It was a hard sacrifice and one I no longer have to make by finance or distance.

Here’s the intersection of all this. A few days ago I saw a post on LinkedIn that really caught my attention. Here it is.

If you’re a college student and you want to go home for Thanksgiving, but can’t afford the plane ticket home, I’m pitching in. I will book your ticket. You must be in college, have financial need, and be able to prove that you are excelling in academics, sports, or extracurricular activities. Basically, you have to be excellent at whatever your passion is. If you’re in college, can demonstrate excellence and need help getting home, just send me a message. I’m a small time nobody and can’t possibly afford to help everyone out there. But I’ll do my part. I’ll help as many people as I can. Because I don’t want anybody staying on campus alone because they can’t afford to get home. Trust me. I know what it’s like to be in college, flat broke and too poor to go home. Well it’s not happening to you. Not on my watch. I could go buy a new truck or I could send a bunch of young folks home for Thanksgiving. Seems like a no brainer to me. I never forgot what it’s like and I never will.

The last sentence stopped me in my tracks. I never forgot what it’s like either, although I also don’t often actively remember it. When I do, it feels bad. So I replied, asking anyone who is in that boat and missed Jonathan’s cutoff to message me directly. One girl did. Her name is Daria. She’s remarkable. She goes to school in Chicago but is from Brooklyn. She’s taking 4 classes, has 4 extra-curriculars, and 4 part-time jobs. She pays the difference where her student loans fall short, pays her rent and bills, and sends money home to help. She had no intention of going home for Thanksgiving and that was fine. Her grandfather fell ill. For 10 years in the military, I worried my grandmother would do the same while I was away. She didn’t. I was home for 5 years before she got sick and passed away. I was lucky. This girl may not be. I won’t share her entire email except the end.

[…] And sometimes that gets very overwhelming and finding posts and opportunities like yours makes me very grateful and excited for the rest of the world. So even if it isn’t possible for me to get the funding, I still appreciate you reading my story.

I looked at Linda and she looked at me. We both knew the answer. We’re sending Daria home for Thanksgiving. I messaged her back with the news and two addendums. In addition to sending her home for Thanksgiving, I want to stay connected to her and follow her progress and I also want to invite her to my office when she’s home to see the business and learn about what we do so she can see some real-world application of what she’s learning in abstract in college textbooks.

Naturally, she’s overwhelmed and overjoyed. We are working out the details, but she’s calling her family to let them know she’ll be home in time for Thanksgiving. I’ve been looking up the definition of altruism and I get conflicting definitions.

Oxford says:

the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others

Another source has:

Altruism is a term used to describe a behavior characterized by acts with no apparent benefits for the individual who performs them but that are beneficial to other individuals.

Finally, Mirriam-Webster says:

Altruism definition is - unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others.

I believe the first and last definitions. Doing something unselfishly for others without regard for oneself. when you do something good for others, you do get something out of it, even if it’s just a positive emotional response. The middle one says there’s no benefit for the giver, but there always is - satisfaction, contentment, feeling good.

When I first thew my hat in the ring, I intended on paying cash for the tickets, but I’m going to use points instead. The reason isn’t to save money (although it’s a welcome collateral effect). I sacrificed all those years in the military to pave my way to success. I achieved it and will continue to achieve it. My success, as mentioned above, is the ends brought about by the means of travel and hard work. The points come along with that. Maybe it’s more meaningful or just feels more poetic this way. I sacrificed to gain success. Daria is sacrificing to gain success. I want to help her in the same way I needed help by using the fruits of my success.

So, while you may expect it is Daria who should give thanks (and she has, to me, multiple times), it’s also I who gives thanks. We often think of giving thanks for things we have - our health, our home, our family, etc. In this case I give thanks for the ability to do this. The fact that I get to send this young woman home to her family for Thanksgiving means I have created an environment and life that is full of positivity. Not only financially positive that we have spare resources to use for this, but positive in how we treat people and think about the world outside our home and the effect that will have on building empathy as a core value in my son. It’s also positive in where I sit in the hierarchy of my company and industry such that someone trusts me to ask for this help and ongoing mentorship.

In the end, I did this for Daria to get to her family and to validate that my hard work and efforts yield more than “stuff.” Most of all, to look at Nicky and know through all the doom and gloom in the media, he’ll be taught to see and be the good in the world as often as possible.

And just like that, life goes back to normal, light a few Chase Ultimate Rewards points but heavy a whole bunch of positivity and contentment with just about everything in my little corner of the world.

UPDATE: I took a break from writing this because Daria called me. We chatted for a few minutes and then worked out the details. She’s booked and ticketed and ready for 4 days and some change home with her family this Thanksgiving. As I type this update, I’m getting text updates as her family finds out and she struggles to contain her excitement in the university library.