My baby is a boy

8:50 am on September 3rd, 2021. Seems like a morning like any other. I’m at my desk with my coffee and my hands are on a keyboard. On the surface nothing is different. In reality, the scales are tipping throughout today.

August 1st, 2016, we brought a toothless, dribbly, little meatloaf to Kindercare Daycare for his very first day. He was 10 weeks old. He had a “parking spot” for his car seat. It was 7:23am. We left him behind with strangers and trusted they’d care for our little, quiet, shit machine as we trekked into Manhattan for a day of work.

He grew so quickly then going from Infant A to Infant B to Infant C rooms. He gained teeth, the ability to walk, and the ability to talk during that journey. As of today he has still not mastered the ability to shut up. We crossed the hall into the “big kids” room, totally unaware of how subjective that was.

He moved onto 2s and 3s and onto molars and pull ups and toddlerhood. We watched formula go to rice cereal to real food. In went stimuli and information and out came the tiniest personality.

Eventually, we moved into the other wing. We had only seen it. It’s like the hallway the seniors go into when you’re in high school and you’re an underclassman. You know it’s there and you know it’s just classrooms, but it seems miles away and on the other side of a chasm you’ll surely never cross. It’s dark and murky and represents being actually big. You stand before it like Bilbo Baggins before Mirkwood unsure of the perils that await.

Nicky, on the other hand, put on his new backpack and rushed headlong down the all too familiar hallway ready to be with his friends that had already transitioned to these classes and, seemingly, didn’t immediately become snotty teenagers. Homework began to come home. Confidence emerged as a new facet of that little personality. And he told he us could spell his own name.

Somewhere along the journey we stopped swaddling him. We did it for the last time, not knowing it was the last time. We put on his last diaper. We dressed him for the last time. And he stopped yelling “Can someone come wipe my buuuuuuuutt?” Things fall away without a big event. In and of themselves they don’t matter. We aren’t mourning diapers. In aggregate they represent a clear inability to even pretend he’s a baby anymore. But every day, we went across the street to Kindercare and held onto some of his babyhood.

Today, at now 9:10am, I’m gathering all my emotions because we did it for the very last time. It’s labor day weekend and after a not-long-enough, long weekend we will bring him to Kindergarten in his new elementary school. He’ll be here for 6 years, just a shade longer than he was at Kindercare. We knew they day would come in our highest level of consciousness. Subconsciously, we tightly clung to every squeak and giggle that kept him a baby. He barely hugged us, refused a kiss, and sighed through pictures before putting on his bigger packpack with spiked bicycle helmet and running inside to be a maniac with his friends. They rule the roost as the upperclassmen of Kindercare and Mr. Giant Personality is often the mayor of all of it.

Next week he’s a little fish in a much bigger pond. And we’ll worry all over again. It won’t be about whether he’s cared for or fed or crying, but it’ll be about whether he’s making friends, learning, and becoming the best boy he can be. It feels like a watershed moment, but is probably smaller in comparison to the bigger ones on the horizon. For today, though, it’s the biggest we’ve had so far.

I’m so proud of the boy he is. He’s energetic and fun and cute and silly and smart, but he’s also so caring, selfless, and empathetic. I do wish I could revisit the tiny and squeaky version of him sometimes but I’d never trade watching him grow and learn for anything.

Today there’s a Family Day at Kindercare to celebrate the end of the summer. Some little ones will return and continue their journey and some will move on like Mr. Nick. And so closes a very major chapter on our family. On Tuesday, our Nicky starts a new adventure, and us with him.

Mountains of Memories

I've always had a credo. "It's only money." I've said this when I've been broke and flush. It's only money. There's always more money. You can always make more money. You can't make more time. You can't make more land. When we're out of land, that's it - unless Elon Musk sends us to Mars. And we all know you can't relive moments that already happened - unless Elon Musk sends us back in time. Billionaire alien entrepreneurs aside, these are certainties.

In 2015, we were living in a tiny, 900 sq ft condo in urban Jersey City. We were recently married. I was recently hired at Olapic. Linda came out of the bathroom holding what appeared to be a spoon. Moments later I recognized this as a pregnancy test. Moments after that I said "We need to move." This was August.

On November 30th 2015, we closed on our townhouse. Twice the size with a garage, all the space we could need, near family, in our preferred area; and done inside of 4 months. We couldn't have been happier. As Nicky grows, we crave the life a single family home gives. I want him to have a backyard and room to play. I want to be able to host people and parties. But we just aren’t ready for that move.

If you're reading this, you've seen my social media posts. They revolve around my family. I do everything in my power to ensure Nicky has the best possible life growing up. And that doesn't just mean the most toys. I want him to have time with us and experiences and embrace the world. I want him to look back on his childhood fondly. I want there to be no question that everything we did, we did for him.

I'm excited and proud to announce that Linda and I have done something to create a fun, exciting adventure for all of us. With my travel and Linda’s travel and my long commute and the stressors of life, we wanted an escape without having to pay exorbitant prices for vacations. We wanted to be able to get away, unplug, and enjoy. Earlier today, we sat at the closing table and purchased our very own mountain vacation home.

It’s under 2 hours away tucked away in the Pocono Mountains and part of an amazing resort, vacation community called The Hideout. It has lakes and pools and sports and activities. It’s a gated community that offers us protection and safety. In the winter they have skiing, snow tubing, ice skating and more. And the best part is that it has plenty of room for friends and family to join us and partake in the fun. And the door is always open. With 3 bedrooms, a pullout couch, a spare room, and floor space, we envision a world where everyone joins for pool fun during the day and campfires by night. Or skiing. Or Golf. Or any great fun.

We are just excited to be fortunate enough to do this for our family and include everyone important to us along the way.

And now for the unveiling:

Buy a house they said, it'll be fun they said

The title is one of my favorite memes. We use it a lot for when we do things we think will be great but turn out to be challenging or a huge pain in the ass. Owning a house is both of those things at every moment in time. Some days I wish I could call the landlord and things would magically get fixed. But there’s no substitute for having a place we can call our own.

When there are things you don’t like about your own house, they stay that way until you do something about it. The day we moved in we knew some rooms needed work. This place was build in 1996 and the original owner opted to leave builder’s grade materials in place. Right out of the gate we replaced the wonderfully 90s brass lights with all brushed nickel modern fixtures. About 18 months after that we overhauled the downstairs half bath. It was small so a vanity, mirror, tiles, toilet and coat of paint was all it took. Truly just swapped out everything for new versions.

In the fall of 2018 we tried to sell the house, mostly as an experiment. With 3 years of equity and aging styling, could we sell it? The answer was yes, but not at a profit worth the hassle. So we pulled it off the market and made a decision. We need to bring the place to 2019 posthaste. And when we do sell it and move (which we absolutely will do at some point), I’m not buying the new owners a kitchen. So if we are going to remodel, we do it now. So that’s what we did.

We planned, styled, shopped, and found a contractor. We made the decision to remodel the kitchen and both full bathrooms upstairs all at once. It was partially the concept of disrupting our lives in a major way once rather than a minor way 3 separate and annoying times.

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Everything you need to renovate 3 rooms

The rundown was that Nicky’s bathroom was a 1:1 swap of everything - toilet, tub/shower, tiles, vanity, mirror, lights, medicine cabinet, paint, accessories.

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Next was the master bath. This is the only room that seemed to have gotten any love, and lowest on the priority scale. So this was to be simple. First the shower needed to go from thick aluminum frame and rattled loud enough to wake the dead every time it closed. Next was the vanity/sink combo. The wood cabinets were half a step above plain plywood atop of which sat some composite counter and sink. The height was almost low enough for Nicky, which meant we had to stoop over to use it. Between the 2 was an open space that was waste. New cabinets and granite counters at a height for adults was in order!

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And then the piece de resistance… the kitchen. This was massive. It was the cooking part of the kitchen, the eat-in section, the small hall that led to the dining room, and Nicky’s playroom. They are all connected. We replaced appliances about 18 months ago so those could stay. But we needed 500 sq ft of tile across 3 rooms with lots of angles, new granite counters, new and taller cabinets, paint, faucet, fixtures, and adding a backsplash, accessories… and we decided on some layout changes.

“When you budget for a new kitchen, don’t forget to budget all the takeout, delivery, and restaurant bills - since you don’t have a kitchen in the interim”

The old tiles were small with edges that beveled down toward the grout ensuring every last piece of dirt and crumb got caught. The counters were some cheap formica knockoff, the cabinets had external hinges coming loose and were definitely painted over with a paintbrush along the way. Oh and the paint… the cheapest paint ever left marks if you even breathed on it and would come off the wall if you wiped them with a wet paper towel. Lots of bad design decisions that have now been remedied.

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In the end, we are over the moon with the results. It’s beautiful, modern, and roomy. It’s greater than we ever hoped it to be. Worth every penny (and there were a lot of them) and every ounce of frustration and hassle.

For people who like to see progress pics…

Another year later and a year's worth of lessons

When our first anniversary rolled around, we had a 7-week old baby. That morning, the bakery that made our wedding cake delivered a top tier to our house and we enjoyed as much of it as we could in one sitting. Almost begrudgingly, we left that little one with my parents to go out to dinner. We were exhausted and talked about the baby the entire time. We celebrated it because it was our first. But our heads weren’t in it. Everything was still upside down in our lives.

And that was it. We passed our first milestone. Although between the day we got married - June 12, 2015 - and our anniversary we had hit so many other milestones.

• August - we found out Linda was pregnant
• October - she started a new job
• November - we bought our first home
• April - Nicky arrived

Of course, we had all the other stuff that happens along the way, like unpacking boxes, decorating, buying furniture, prepping for the baby’s arrival, and we managed to see Billy Joel in concert and take a Caribbean babymoon in between. When the 1 year hit, it felt like 10. I don’t mean that in a bad way at all, but how could we possibly have done all that in just 1 year?

When we dropped him off at my parents’ house, we briefly contemplated going back to the couch and cake and enjoying a few hours of “us” time again. But we soldiered on to Chart House in NJ on the Hudson River that overlooked New York City. We had drinks and dined and watched a couple get married right in front of us. And for a few minutes, we remembered how we got to where we are. We felt like a couple again.

Year 1 ended and year 2 began. I got deeper into my job and she returned to hers, post-maternity. The baby began to do more than just sit there and stare at us blankly. Time started to be our most precious commodity. And that’s when it all started to happen. We became parents. Sure, we actually became parents the day Nicky was born (arguably before that even). But somewhere into year 2, we became more parents than we were husband and wife. We commuted and worked and commuted again. We raced to wash bottles and clothes and a tiny baby tushy. We fell asleep watching TV.

In January of 2017, we were nearly at the 1 and a half year mark and we knew something had to give. Linda left her job of 15 months to just be Nicky’s mom for a while. One piece of the sanity jigsaw puzzle got put back into place. Maybe 2 if you consider the 3 hours of commute and 9 hours of working she got back. But we were down to a single salary.

And this is when we learned that life - adult life, married life, parent life - is a zero sum game. You get and give and end up no further. It’s an even swap. Or is it? We sure thought so. We weren’t unhappy. We were just too busy to be actively happy if that makes any sense. We enjoyed each other. We still did things. We saw friends. We hung out. But it felt a lot like the hamster wheel.

At the end of April, Linda went back to work. She feels good being able to leave the house and function as a professional - something always important to her. Our income grew again. Nicky became a toddler. And the upswing began.

This was another inflection point. We realized something. We had to be us again. Jason and Linda. JayLynn needed to be more than a clever blog title or wedding hashtag. But how would we find the time to work on that? Here’s the secret. Some things in life are not zero sum. The energy you expend on your loved one pays you back many orders of magnitude. You get more than you spend.

And now we’re at the end of year 2. This time we dropped NickyT off at my parents again and took off for Atlantic City. We had drinks by the pool, we gambled, we ate (at a different Chart House this time), we gambled some more and we had a fun, mini, road trip both ways. We didn’t go out because the calendar said it was time to go. We didn’t celebrate the arbitrary trip around the sun. We celebrated our love. We celebrated each other. We celebrated our family. And we had fun.

Tomorrow year 3 begins. Who knows what it will bring? Some of the next 50 or so years will be up, some will be down, some will be in the middle. But we know how to approach it. We know where to focus. We know that we’ll always come out the other side - together. Maybe this blog shouldn’t be titled “The Adventures of Jason and Linda.” Maybe it should be called “The Adventure of Jason and Linda” because that’s what it is - one long adventure. One long life together. Each event matters less than the whole journey. It’s a hard journey, but it’s our journey and it’s worth it.

There’s nobody I’d rather eat/fall asleep on the couch/travel/cook/fight/raise a family/play/laugh/BE with - my best friend.

P.S. - Nicky can come too!

The shortest and longest year

Some moments I think "How is he already a year?" and other moments I think the day he was born was SO long ago. Either way, Linda and I cannot imagine a life without our little guy.

First he was the meatball, an idea of a person growing inside Linda. Week after week our Thursday "inside birthday" would come around and mark another week closer to the arrival. For 20 or so weeks, we listened to the apps tells what he would be some weeks and what she would be other weeks, all while guessing ourselves. And everyone told us surely what we'd have.

We planned to be surprised, but at one ultrasound, the technician asked us if we wanted to know and curiosity got the better of us. She counted 2 eyes, 10 fingers, 10 toes, and 1 extra piece. That's when we knew our meatball was a boy meatball.

And we had the name ready to go. Nicholas Thomas would be his name. Nicholas was my grandfather's name and would resume a tradition in my family. Thomas after my late uncle who left us too early, 16 Septembers ago. Both men who hold a special place in my heart. Both are men who I hope Nicky aspires to be like in different ways.

And then April 16th was a Saturday, 12 days prior to the arrival. We were at my brother's wedding in the city all day. Linda had worked up until just a couple of days prior. At 8 and a half months pregnant, she was commuting 90 minutes into the city and working a full day. We left around 6ish and by the time all was said and done it was 9 pm and we were home and settled and exhausted.

At 2:30 she woke me and alerted me that her water broke. We rushed to the hospital and Mr. Nick had a change of heart and hung out without moving for many hours. About 5 pm he decided it was time again. At 7 pm, the doctor arrived and gave Linda the instructions. At 7:30, he was firmly plopped on his new mommy's chest. And the rest, as they say, was history.

One year later, we had an amazing party with friends and family and celebrated the little life of this little guy. Today we spent it all together enjoying every ounce of him. Tomorrow, it'll be his actual birthday and back to daycare and back to work. Every day is a new adventure as he learns something new. For instance, today we learned he can not only crawl up the stairs, but he can do about 16 steps nonstop and FAST. And it was the first time he had tried.

There's one thing that happens every day. We stare at him. We marvel at who he is becoming. As of midnight, he stops being an infant and starts being a toddler. But he'll still be a baby. He'll always be our baby. And if you know anything about Italian households, we'll call him "the baby" until he's at least 8 years old anyway.

He has "things." Things he does and things he likes. He has his own idiosyncrasies. He knows how to give love and affection and I melt every time he blows a kiss (even if it's just him smacking himself in the mouth mostly). He has opinions. His personality is formidable and his smile is infectious and he's not afraid to flash either or both. He plays to his audience and can work the room already. And it's actually impossible to be in a bad mood around him.

In 12 months I've managed to be stunned and amazed at how a little baby can be a person. I'm lucky to be his dad and couldn't be more proud of who he is now and excited at watching who he will be.

Thankful for the adventure

On Thanksgiving you hear many people say what they are thankful for. You hear others say that we should be thankful every day of the year and not just once a year on Thanksgiving. I think most people are thankful every day, but are just more vocal on Thanksgiving. Also, we all know how fast life goes. Each day zips by, usually just a bit faster than the one before it. So, on the holiday we think about the things we are most thankful for. A day of additional reflection never did anyone harm anyway.

So I think about what I'm most thankful for. There are lots of individual things, of course. I'm thankful for the "stuff" I have in my life that makes each day a little easier, a little more convenient, a little more fun. I know it's just "stuff," but it impacts our lives. It's the simplest and easiest to notice very often. Of course, I'm thankful for my friends and family. It's similar to the stuff in that it's ever present and often taken for granted. Right now, I'm thinking about individuals in the family. I just finished prepping our part of the Thanksgiving feast. Linda is upstairs with Nicky, giving him a bath.

I'm thankful for my darling wife. She is such a good mom to Nicky. She loves us both so hard. That woman could exist solely on hugs, I think. I'm thankful that she gets up every day and goes into NYC with me and works only to come home and take care of our little family. Even when it's hard and frustrating and long and cold; she's there. I couldn't do all this without her.

I'm thankful for my brother. We are polar opposites. We see life so very differently. We want different things. But when I'm stuck in life, I can always call him and he can call me. We trust each other so completely and can talk openly about everything. Even when we don't agree; we still support.

I'm thankful for my parents who made sure my life was always complete and then some. Even now, they are always there for me when I need them - sometimes at 7am when they pick up Nicky. My mom is there to play with the baby when she should be cooking for the holiday. My dad is there to talk about Nicky's college fund, or to help me build deck stairs on the house, or to hang out on Friday night and just be everything to me. My mom will stay on the phone every last minute when I need to talk about something. And even though we've had our typical parent/child challenges, I could never have bigger or better champions of my life.

I'm thankful for my Nick. He's the most incredible tiny person ever. He's silly and funny and cute and smart. He makes me think about the future of the country and the world. He makes me think about my future. I sometimes stress about having enough time and money and patience and knowledge. I watch him change by the day and realize I don't have to have all the answers right now. We will evolve together. But still... I want all the answers right now so I'm always one step ahead of him because he'll know when I'm not.

I'm thankful for my job. Not just because we all need a job. But for this one specifically. They took a chance on me when I needed it most. They've continually invested in me with raises and promotions. But I love the company, the mission, the vision, the culture. I have so much fun every day. I believe in what we do. And it's really hard. I'm thankful for my team that works so hard for me and our colleagues and our customers. I'm also thankful because I can relax in knowing that my career is in good hands. Nicky and Linda will never want for anything. Olapic believes in me and what I do for them and how I do it. As a result, I always know I can provide for my family in profound ways.

The list goes on and on. My friends, who are too many to name, and have been there for me in too many ways to list. Over the years we've been close and far in geography and in life and in closeness.

The theme throughout all the things in my life that I couldn't bear to live without is that not one category has always been perfect. Everyone has been challenging and hard at times. It's always been more good than bad. The net effect will always be positive. That is part of the journey, the adventure. I often learn more from the bad times than I do the good times.

Of all the things in my life, I'm most thankful for the adventure. My life has been a rollercoaster for most of it. Despite the Rockwellian surface, we've all struggled along the way in different ways. And if I didn't have the wonderful foundation, I don't know how I'd have survived parts of it.

The inside of my right bicep is tattooed with "Life's challenges only strengthen me" and it couldn't be more true. But it's only true because of all the support I've had along the way. I'm always thankful for all of it. I show it as often as I can. Like anyone else, I fail many times along the way. I get consumed by the hard parts. I get overcome by the minutiae of the day-to-day. But right now, in this moment, I hear Linda and Nicky upstairs, I see my beautiful home preparing to be decorated for Christmas, I smell the food ready to be delivered to my parents' house. And in this moment, I'm thankful for my life... and the adventure it's been... and the adventure it will be.

On this day in history...

A monumental event took place. June 12, 2015 was the day of the nuptials for Linda and me. For those of you who were there and capable of retaining memories, it was a hell of a day. It was an incredibly hot Friday. Linda was at the bridal suite of the hotel with her girls, I in my childhood home with my guys. We each got ready (physically, mentally, and emotionally), laughed, reminisced and basically began our journey separately that would ultimately end in our union.

The limo came to take me to the church where I waited with some of my closest and oldest friends in my life. At 3pm, I watched my bride enter to meet me at the alter. And off we went to becoming a married couple. What followed was a party of epic proportions. We had the largest cocktail hour ever created complete with signature drinks that paid homage to important parts of our lives and food to die for carefully selected to let locals and visitors alike taste what we love the most and what symbolizes us. For example, we had some pasta as pasta-loving Italians should. We had NY pastrami as any pastrami-loving New Yorkers should. You get the idea. Then came the main event. The reception. Photographers roamed, DJ's entertained, and we had all the fun stuff you'd expect. The dance floor was packed and everyone had a blast. At one point I sat back and just watched everyone for a minute. They were all there for us. They were all happy because we were happy.

And that's it. We're happy. We're best friends. We do everything together. Almost everything; despite my best efforts, she won't let me get his and her toilets. We genuinely love being near each other as often as possible. Our story of how we met and went through the long distance might play a part in the foundation of friendship that we built.

We complement each other. I'm logical and I plan everything. She's creative and likes to see what happens. I like data, she likes feelings. But we love the same stuff too. We just have our own approaches to those things. Alone, my planning is robotic. Alone, her go with the flow is chaotic. Together, we balance.

This day is very special to me for many reasons. It marks the first year of marriage and that's exciting. It was also quite a busy year. After getting married in June, she got pregnant in late July. She started a new job in October. We bought this house in November. And little Nick arrived in April. That's a lot for a year. Especially the first year of marriage when so much else has changed. I had also started my job just 3 weeks prior to the wedding. We're tired.

But as much as this is all still at the beginning, it also marks a bit of an ending. Or more of a completion. I've been in my industry for 21 years. I've worked in small mom & pop shops, big corporations and the Air Force. I'm studied and degreed in the same. When I moved home as a civilian again in 2013, I couldn't get a job. I decided to take a chance and run JayVig Media full time, which did well enough, but it wasn't the career or salary or growth I had hoped for.

Along the way, I had rejection letters piling up. I was 34 with tons of knowledge, credentials, and experience. We were cramped in a Jersey City condo. We were financially stretched to the max. We were alone since no friends or family were closer than 40 minutes. In truth, I didn't feel good. I went into the Air Force to get on track and left it feeling more off track than ever. It was a situation that would have broken many people, including me had I been alone.

But I loved my bride-to-be more than anything. She deserved better. I promised her better. We wanted better. So I had to make it better. Over 300 rejections later I caught some traction and found my way to Olapic. Then the events listed above all took place.

At the end of a very long struggle was an upswing. At the end of the upswing is today. Not to say we are done rising, but that period of catching up is now over. I have my bride, my boy, my family nearby, my home. We both have lucrative careers that we enjoy and do well at.

So today, we will celebrate the memory of our wedding - the first day of the rest of our lives. And we'll celebrate how our union at that altar that day was the beginning of something truly special. Something important. Something life changing. People say that if you date a long time and live together, that the wedding is a piece of paper. That's not true. It's a commitment to do it all together. And that's what we do, all day, every day. And we've never been happier.

Now we just need to complete the triumvirate by teaching NickyT the same values. On that note, I'm going to make breakfast for my bride and enjoy our day!

What's in a name?

Almost 1 week ago I met the most amazing person ever. He's sweet and kind and funny. He's lovable and affectionate. He has not a single ounce of anger or hate in his heart. He is pure and content. He is a man of very few words. The person I'm talking about is my sweet and snuggly Nicholas and he is my week old son.

People tell you about the sleepless nights and stinky diapers and moments where you've fed him, changed him, held him and consoled him and he still screams without rhyme or reason; and certainly with wanton disregard for what the clock says. People tell you about the price tag on every thing baby related. On the good side they tell you about how 6 and a half pounds of squishy adorableness asleep on your shoulder will melt you instantly. They tell you how looking into his eyes means all is right with the world. They tell you about the switch that flips inside you the moment he's born and all your priorities are rearranged. They tell you that after just one minute with him, the 37 years prior in life where he didn't exist seem unimaginable.

They don't tell you one thing. The utterly strange feeling it is to call him by his name. While he was cooking in mama's tummy, we nicknamed him meatball. First it was because we didn't know if he was Mr. Meatball or Ms. Meatball. And then it was because we chose to keep his name secret until he met the world. And now that he's here, he's just Nick or Nicky or Nicky T. When he is inconsolable, he's Fussy Face. When he poops, he's Stinky Pants. Sometimes he's Sweet Pea. It seems the more nonsensical the nickname, the more heavily we lean on it. It's because it really takes a lot of adjustment to call him Nick. He's a baby and Nick sounds like it belongs to a man, or even someone not so... teeny tiny.

Or maybe it's because of the name in particular. Nicholas Thomas. Why did we choose that? Why was it so important to keep it secret? We just picked it out of a baby name book, right? Nope.

First of all, you know we're not like that. There is rhyme and reason to all we do. Carefully thought out and executed decisions. Second, a strong and traditional name like Nicholas Thomas fits our personality and culture. No disrespect to those who choose names that are more... "new age," but that's incongruent with our way as a couple and family.

But it's more than that. Each name represents an important person in my life. As luck would have it, my amazing wife loved the names and respected the reasons and was on-board without a 2nd word about it. So who is Nicholas and who is Thomas?

Thomas, is one that likely needs no introduction. So I'll start with it and I'll keep it short. Thomas Sabella was my mom's youngest brother, my uncle. He is the uncle we lost 15 Septembers ago. Honoring him and his sacrifice was paramount. Beyond that, my middle name is also Thomas. My Uncle Tommy was also my godfather.

What about Nicholas? He was my paternal grandfather. My father is Vincent, his father was Nicholas and his father was Vincent. By all rights, I was supposed to be Nicholas, and yet, I'm Jason. So we wanted to resume the tradition and pick up with next name in the order. My grandfather was a good man, but he was a bit of a stubborn man. When his first grandchild arrived, he thawed out significantly, I'm told. I'm also told this is a habit of most grandparents along the way. He did everything with me. Unfortunately, he passed away in the summer of 1985 when I was only 6. We lost many years together.

He did other significant things. He was an amateur pilot, for instance. That's why baby Nicky's room is pilot themed. My grandfather always wanted to be a pilot. He tried to be a pilot during World War II when the US Air Force was still the Army Air Forces (The USAF wasn't made independent until September 18th, 1947). And all those years later, in 2003, I went into the Air Force.

My grandfather and I had a special relationship that would have continued through to today, had he lived. And so I wanted his namesake to be the person with whom I'd have the most special relationship ever - my son.

Nicholas and Thomas - 2 men who meant a great deal to me. 2 men who aren't here with us anymore. 2 men who will come together in my darling son - and live on in him. I don't honor them by taking their names. They honor me by being ever present in my little boy.

These shoes are made for walking

April 17th, 2016 is a the day our lives changed forever. That's the day my son arrived, albeit 11 days early. But this isn't a story about my little Nicky. We will have more of those. This is one of the adventures of Jason & Linda only - which I'm sure will get fewer and farther between. 




Some of you may have heard of a "push present." Until recently, I hadn't. When Linda got pregnant every female I met asked me about it and wanted to know what she was getting. Apparently, a push present is a reward for pushing the baby out. I was under the impression that the baby was the present. They even wrap him up like a gift before handing him over in a formal Lion King like presentation. 




This feels like a made-up way to fleece sucker husbands out of more money so the women can get every branded high-end product they've wanted. At least that's the stance I took publicly. Privately I had been scheming from the beginning to surprise my bride on the day she gave birth. 




But what to get her? It needed to be something substantial. I mean, how do you match the magic of the arrival of your son with a retail purchase? As always, I had stored all the things to which Linda had said "I want" and to which I had replied "yeah, right." Now to distill all those ideas into one. 




I put my thinking cap on. As my beautiful bride gained weight and size with the baby, her self-image not surprisingly went south. She also started her new job in corporate America right around the time she got pregnant. As a matter of fact, she commuted to work in Manhattan on Thursday and gave birth on Sunday. 

Pregnancy is no joke. And my lovely Linda handled it like a champ. Sure she had her moments where she was frustrated but she did awesome overall. She was even in heels at her shower. 

I was so proud of her every day. It made me rail against the push present concept, ostensibly. Inside I got more excited to give it to her. 

So... What was the right choice you ask? The same thing any woman wants - SHOES. But not just any shoes. The single pair of shoes that any woman wants. The sexy black, with sexier red - Christian Louboutin 4" heels. 

So I looked and researched and shopped until I found the right pair in the right size. And today, while she was feeling proud and happy and excited and tired and overwhelmed and beaten up and everything else, none of which were sexy, confident, or ready to return to work; I gave her that push present. I received total shock, which was the intent. 

I wanted her to know that I was proud of her for all she did and how well she did it, and amidst being mommy to our bundle of joy, she's my sexy, strong bride as well. 

Congrats my darling. I love you!

 

 

It's a...

BABY! That's what you wanted to know right? I'm just teasing.

As I type this, my pregnant bride lie asleep next to me on the couch. It seems the little thief in her tummy has been going through one of those growth spurts where her energy gets thieved. Tomorrow marks 24 weeks of pregnancy. Things are cruising along. Our baby has 10 fingers and 10 toes and they're all in the right places. The heartbeat is where it needs to be and nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. Our little meatball has all the anatomy you would expect one to have. That begs the question... is there a little extra piece that gives us a cool, little dude to hang out with? Or is the meatball sans-sausage so we'll have the prettiest little princess? Inquiring minds want to know.

We weren't going to find out initially because we wanted the thrill of the surprise as our baby joined us in the world. But temptation is tough. So we decided that we'd wait until we knew the baby was all healthy before we pulled the curtain back on the gender. That day has come and gone. So we were given the results.

People ask us all the time which we prefer. We say we don't care. People look at us like they don't quite believe those words. The truth is that I'm a guy so naturally I could identify with boy things better. Linda would also prefer to go to football practice than ballet practice. I also don't want to have to deal with young gentlemen coming for my baby girl down the road. On the flip side, there's nothing like daddy/daughter dates and I'm sure Linda would like a girl to help keep the seat down. Regardless, we will be overjoyed... but we were still curious. So we found out so she can shop and I can paint.

For some reason, everyone says the baby is a girl. The old wives tales and tests say boy. How she carries says girl. We've broken the mold and defied all logic, in true JayLynn form. I've delayed the inevitable long enough and you're tired of reading. Most have probably scrolled to the bottom by now. So with no more gilding the lily... everyone prepare yourself...

That's right. On or about April 28th, 2016 we welcome to the world and our family, MR. Meatball; although he has long since taken up residence in our hearts. 

We did the... deed

The day I got out the military, my new life was supposed to begin. Linda and I drove from Mississippi through Alabama and Georgia before stopping overnight in South Carolina, a tribute to the first part of my military career. On day 2 we hurtled up I-95 through the more northern of the Carolinas, Virginia, the outer edge of our nation’s capitol, Maryland, the tiny sliver we call Delaware and the home stretch of our home state New Jersey.

After almost 24 hours of driving and an end-to-end time of almost 36 hours, my car came to rest in our new home in Jersey City. It was a 900 square foot, 2 bedroom palace, owned by my parents and a perfect stop gap as Linda and I figured out what comes next. After all, I had big plans and big interviews lined up. I’d be back in business in no time and we’d find the house of our dreams.

Unfortunately, none of that last part was true. As a near 20 year veteran in technology and a true 10 year veteran of the military, I couldn’t find a job. So in June of 2013 we decided I was going to follow another long-term dream… becoming an entrepreneur and for 2 years I ran JayVig Media. The important part of that story is that, like most entrepreneurs, I made no money for a substantial period of time. And our plans got put on hold… well some of them did. We had 3 big agenda items - buy a house, get married, start a family. As everyone knows, our first adventure of getting married, and all the associated planning, culminated on June 12th of 2015. Check.

Shortly before that mega-party, I decided to go back to work full-time and started at Olapic. And so began our rise to where we intended to be after the long, slow slog through the entrepreneurial mud. And that was the way it was to be for the foreseeable future. And then we had a sudden change. We were in Mississippi, visiting very dear friends of ours when one of them told Linda she was pregnant, confirmed only be her own motherly intuition. We nervously laughed it off until we got home.

As everyone knows, Linda found out that she is, in fact, pregnant. With that, our escape from Jersey City became priority #1. 2 bedrooms, 2 adults, 3 cats and an infant sounded like a terrible sitcom that wouldn’t make it beyond the pilot episode. Not to mention the congestion of Jersey City and the 2 person event it is to go to the bank. So, we thought it wise to start our hunt for a new place to lay our heads.

We found a very cool looking townhouse in Whippany, NJ - our first choice town for a multitude of reasons. Oddly enough, we knew the owner selling it. She’s the one that did Linda’s makeup at the wedding just a few months ago. Unsatisfied by what it offered, we spoke with the listing agent to see what else was available. She mentioned a community called Oak Ridge. As fate would have it, we both know it. I had a friend that lived there years ago, as did Linda. We actually discussed moving there early on after my return, but it was well out of reach during the entrepreneurial years.

It was no longer out of reach and there were more than a half a dozen units open. We went through them one by one. Green walls and flowery wallpaper, the smoker’s home, the gaudy 90s mauve, the beautiful yet small unit with the young couple asking too much money, and… finally… the unoccupied, newly refurbished, larger unit - ripe for the picking. We knew immediately we found our home. There was an open house that day. We returned with my parents to get their stamps of approval. That night we called the realtor and told her it was time to make a move. Our 2nd day searching and we were hooked.

That was the 3rd week of September. Since that point we’ve been working through the mortgage, offer, inspection, appraisal and contract processes. We got pre-approved, negotiated an offer, went under contract, had some things fixed, negotiated some more, finalized the mortgage and, just yesterday, we walked into our attorney’s office with full pens and either signed or initialed over 100 sheets of paper.

75 minutes later we walked out with our semi-full pens and a set of keys. Nothing was fuller than our hearts. Hurriedly, we drove back to our empty home and walked around, just as we had earlier that day, for no reason at all other than we could. We hugged, we kissed, we cried. I told our little baby in Linda’s tummy that mommy and daddy got him/her a nice new house to come home to.

After we got engaged, I said it was the next chapter of The Adventures of Jason and Linda. After she got pregnant, I said it was the next chapter of The Adventures of Jason and Linda. And now that we have a house, I’m telling you it’s the next chapter of The Adventures of Jason and Linda. And all 3 are true, we are just doing them concurrently instead of in succession.

And now I present to you, not our house, but our home. It’s empty of furniture, but it’s already full of love.

3 really is a magic number

By now, most of you have seen our little announcement. That announcement is about an inch and a half long and most closely resembles a lime - according to one of the many apps on Linda's phone. If you haven't seen it, the big news is that we are going to be parents. We're newlyweds and expectant parents. WOW! That was quick, right?


Just 121 days after our nuptials, we tell the world that she's pregnant (not we're pregnant). We so badly want to be parents and our dream has come true - or is in the process of coming true, at least.

Here's the announcement video

So now the countdown begins, which is at 200 days as of this post.

Some of our friends commented on how we win the award for "adulting" the most lately. The one slide in that video that most often gets overlooked is the 3rd to last. The photo is this:

For those that know we bought this townhouse, it seemed isolated and independent of anything else. In reality, the baby news came first, it just went public later. Our 910 sq ft palace in congested Jersey City just won't cut it anymore and it was time to upgrade. So after 2 whole days of looking and seeing a whopping 8 places, we were in love and it was settled. We crunched the numbers and made an offer. As of right now, the offer has been accepted, lawyers did their reviews and we're under contract. Once the inspector double checks, we'll be on our way to closing - slated for Thanksgiving week. We certainly have lots to be thankful for.

I'm just glad that I get to bring my new little meatball into a much nicer and bigger home. He or she will have his or her own room and plenty of space to play. Our little family is ready to begin!

A question we get so much is about Linda's travel. It's no secret that she's been traveling about 15 business days per month. There are only about 20. She's been gone a lot. Doing that while pregnant and with a newborn would be difficult, if not impossible. And it would be, in no way, pleasant. 

So in one last announcement, I want to congratulate my beautiful bride and our little meatball's mom-to-be on a brand new job. It requires almost no travel (maybe 15 days a year), It is within the health and beauty industry still (but skin care, not hair). It is for a large corporation. It is located on Wall Street in downtown Manhattan (and a few blocks from where my office is moving to). It's more responsibility and way more money. She has really achieved something special and I couldn't be more proud of her. The icing on the cake? They found her! She was recruited via LinkedIn because she's truly THAT awesome! Congratulations my love! You deserve it.

So just when we thought our happiness had culminated with our beautiful and perfect wedding - the recruiter came knocking, our offer got accepted, and 2 pink lines showed in that tiny window. Everything I've ever hoped for is happening and who better to do it all with than my best friend on the planet?

The real reason why

I could tell you all about the day of the wedding and explain every last detail, but I'll let the photos all over social media do the talking. Just look up #JayLynnWedding on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram and you'll see for yourself.

Of course there are parts that need to be mentioned.

1. The weather more than cooperated and it was a sunny day.
2. Everything was perfectly on time
3. The priest has known my family for over 2 decades and gave a wonderful, personalized ceremony.
4. The DJ crew made last minute changes to accommodate some requests and had the party jumping all night long
5. The food was amazing from start to finish and unique - who really has a coney island hot dog and slider bar at a cocktail hour? We did.
6. I surprised Linda with a special first dance, in addition to what we had planned. 
7. My brother delivered a viral YouTube worthy best man speech.
8. Friends and family from all over the country came in to party and celebrate with us.

That list could go on for days. But there was a moment that stands out. It wasn't part of the agenda. It was a comment that was made to me, on the side, by a friend. Her and her husband are both friends of ours, as is another couple - all of of whom were at the wedding. She mentioned how each of the men in that circle certainly love their wives. They are good husbands, and loving men. 

Then she said that watching my bride and I that night - sitting together, dancing together, walking around the room, etc, she has never seen two people so in love in her entire life as she had that day.

And that was the point of all of it. The party was fun, everyone likes getting gifts, and making it official is an evolution in the relationship. However, professing that love to the world is just necessary. We can't keep it in. It's too much. It's too big. There's not enough room. And so we shared it with our world.

Of all the compliments on the place, food, DJ, photographer, music, etc, I don't know that anything could top those words. If there was ever a moment of doubt about the purpose of a grandiose event, it is no more. Those words will stay with me forever.

Your e-invite

Last week I made a post that said

Linda and I would have everyone we've ever met at the wedding if we could. We all know that's just not possible, unfortunately.

Hint: I am working on a way to give everyone a glimpse into the day, even if you're not present. All I'll say is that I'm pulling from 20 years of technology experience to do it. More soon...

Tonight I'm here to tell you what that means. It is true that we just cannot invite everyone. Everyone understands this. Everyone married truly understands this. As someone in tech and social media for so many years, I have been thinking about how to gather all the photos taken that day to keep forever. I've also been wondering how to share that awesome day with people all over the world that I've met throughout my life.

We found an app called WedPics. Our friends have used it and it seemed like a great "collector." So we downloaded it onto our phones and set it up. There were some barriers that I didn't like.

1. Everyone has to download the app
2. Everyone has to make an account
3. The app is dreadfully slow (and while we want pics, we don't want people wasting time waiting for an app when they could be enjoying the wedding)
4.  Every picture has to go into an album
5. There's no good way to get the pics back out later
6. Anyone not at the wedding can go to wedpics.com and type in JayLynnWedding, but then they have to make an account
7. Most importantly, people share to Instagram, Twitter and Facebook constantly and we would have to make people avoid what is most comfortable for them.

So down with WedPics I say! But what do we do instead? Hmmm... well I know HTML and CSS. I have space on a web server. I know how to route traffic around the web and I know how to customize names. So I can make a webpage around this. Oh wait... how will I collect the images? Don't I work for a visual marketing company now that does exactly that? Why on Earth would I use a prepackaged solution like WedPics? Great question!

So here's how it works. We will ask our guests to take photos and post to Instagram or Twitter (Facebook says collecting like this is a no-no, but I have about 72 hours to find a workaround). When they post them, all they have to do is tag them with #JayLynnWedding. That's it!

I have a nifty little javascript that will look at that hashtag 24/7 and collect all the images tagged with it. Then it will display them in a gallery. That gallery is publicly accessible from a link. Now it's not exactly in real-time. Instagram and Twitter get mad if you ask them for photos too often. So every 30 minutes or less (could be as low as every 10), the gallery will populate and build itself.

So if you can't be at the wedding, you can watch it all unfold in as close to real-time as I could get. The link to watch is: http://live.jaylynnwedding.com. There is one photo there waiting for you right now.

If you'll be in physical attendance and you're reading this, I hope you'll participate and make this day special because it'll be saved for posterity. What makes it fun is that we get to see it through your eyes. And you get to help others view it.

So consider this your e-invite to our wedding. We hope you'll digitally join us. 

Permission granted

Today, Linda and I spent the morning in court. In truth, it was only about 20 minutes. In more truth, it wasn't really court as much as it was the clerk. Come to think of it, the woman we spoke with was the city clerk and not even a court clerk. Although we did have to raise our right hands and agree to some things. The last time I did that, I ended up in boot camp.

All silliness aside, we went through one of a series of steps to bring the wedding (legally) closer. We applied for our wedding license. On Monday we'll pick it up. On June 12th, we'll sign it with the priest and eventually that will be turned into a wedding certificate. It was an unceremonious hoop that nonetheless required us to jump through it.

The fun part about the whole thing was that it was today, 2 weeks to the day before the actual ceremony is to be performed. We could have done it any day (within 30 days) and today just happened to work out. What made it even funner is that our witness was our friend Tim. If you don't know, Tim is the responsible party for Linda and I knowing each other. He's in my wedding party as well. I asked him if he'd like to be out witness and he jumped at the chance. It was only fitting that the long time friend that introduced us raised his right hand to help us get this union on paper.

One more checkbox checked. One day closer. One more little piece of our puzzle.

Party like a bachelor (kinda)

My groomsmen took me out for my bachelor party this last Saturday. At 36 years old, it's a little more low key. We started at Churrascaria Plataforma​ (a carnivore's paradise), where we ate every kind of meat known to man. If you're not familiar with a place like this, churrascaria is Brazilian barbecue and the rodizio style of eating was created just for me. It is all-you-can-eat-meat. You get a paper disc, one side red and the other green. Stop and go. It's as simple as that. Green side up meant men with 2-foot swords with skewered hunks of seared animal carve off charred deliciousness onto your plate. It had been many years since I was last at Plataforma, but my brother knew it was a favorite of mine and lined it up.

 

I arrived with him (he's also my Best Man) and found waiting for me the rest of my groomsmen - Alan, Jim, Brian and Tim - as well as my father and soon-to-be father-in-law. Eight men devoured a barnyard's worth of animals

I recall having chorizo, chicken, flank steak, top sirloin, filet mignon, ham, lamb, and bacon wrapped turkey, but I know I'm forgetting stuff. My plate looked like a battleground containing the remnants of vanquished foes. I occasionally shoved some yucca fries into my mouth to wash it down along with wine. The maître d' heard about the reason we were out there and came out with a chocolate cake impaled by a sparkler and to the tune of "happy birthday" he sang, "happy sorry to you." I'm not sure if he was being funny or sending a message (I found out he's on his 3rd marriage). All-you-can-eat must include cheesecake, espresso, some strange after dinner drink that was somewhere in between a port wine and chocolate. I recommend the tableside angioplasty as well!

The boys all look at their watches and nod in agreement. The synchronicity and organization led me to believe we were all going on a jewelry heist of some sort. As it turns out, we left the patriarchs behind and the 6 of us continued on to The Carnegie Club. Across the street from the world famous Carnegie Hall, the Carnegie Club is a dark, oaky cigar bar with 18th century book cases and singer who channels the spirit (and exact tone) of Frank Sinatra. We got smokes and whiskey and discussed our well-sated bellies, the fun to come in 6 weeks and we time traveled through all the days and nights we've all spent together over decades of friendship.

After the show we walked the streets and happened on one more bar/lounge for a few more drinks and that is where we closed out the evening. It wasn't crazy. We all survived, save for a few "meat headaches," that we are sure are a real thing. But it was hours and hours with most of the closest people in my life with the longest history all celebrating. We weren't celebrating the wedding as much as how happy we are to a part of each other's lives during major events like the wedding.

I'm lucky to have each of them in my life and can only hope I continue to stay that lucky for many years to come.

A day about value, not price

From the moment I met Linda, our relationship has been very transparent. One of the things that aligns us so well is our sense of adventure. As you've read, some of our adventures include us driving through 9 states and some are no more than pretending to be tourists in our own NYC backyard. We haven't even scratched the surface on the adventures we plan to take.

513 days ago we embarked on an adventure. It was the day we got engaged. We spent 2 months just enjoying the fact that we'd one day be married. And then the starting gun went off and the marathon began. Every day since, there has been some wedding based discussion. We had no idea the monumental undertaking this project would be. We sure learned how many moving parts go into this as time goes by. We thought the hard parts would be finding all the major parts such as the venue, photographer and entertainment. As it turns out, those were the easy parts. All of the nuts and bolts are where the challenges are.

Early on we adopted a method for choosing things and it has worked out well. Some people like to look at 20 of everything to narrow it down. That works really well for many people and in most part of life, that's how I operate. However, this was different. Each time we had to make a choice, Linda would listen to the presentation and I'd watch Linda. When we met with our pal Travis who runs the show at the Wilshire Grand Hotel, he ran down the list of things and Linda lit up from head to toe. Her eyes got wide, her smile beamed, her whole body tensed so she should nearly bounce in place; and I melted. That was a done deal. The same for the DJ and the photographer.

If these vendors were smart, they would promptly double their prices on the spot because it's obvious, I'd agree to anything that elicits that happiness. It is at that moment when the burden of cost ceases to exist. So her process is finding what makes her happy and my process is obtaining that for her. We've been going with our gut and it's been working out.

It's not all roses (in our case, it's phalaenopsis orchids). There are a million things to think about and pay for. There are rules about timing and invitations and seating. There is so much protocol, etiquette, "just the way it's done." And boy oh boy, have we really missed the mark on some of it. That's ok. We've learned about the process and each other along the way.

In jest I say that we are spending the GDP of a small island nation on 8 hours. That's obviously an exaggeration and part of the role I play as the husband to be being dragged into stationary stores and beaten with fabric swatches. The other side of the coin is that Linda is off melting debit cards and I'm left home to balance the checkbook. Also an obvious exaggeration. The truth lies somewhere in between. I was very much interested in the venue and the photographer. I was partially interested in the DJ. I couldn't possible give less of a shit about flowers. And I was wholly opposed to save the dates. As long as the prices were in reason, Linda was left to her own devices to do whatever made her happiest. And she had help. It wasn't like she was abandoned. Honestly, I'd be more of a hindrance than a help when it comes to flowers (I had to Google the name above). All in all, I've been as present as I know how for all of these, which is arguably more than the average groom (I knew enough about the flowers to even attempt to Google the name).

What I've really learned is about the value of all of this in aggregate. And I've learned it based on the reactions of other people. When you look at the event as each piece, it is easy to be overwhelmed. It is easy to wonder why we need every little piece to be so perfect, when so many seem so silly. It's like looking at an impressionist painting from an inch away. As you back up, it starts to come into focus. You realize that one seemingly stupid piece would create a gaping hole if missing. A mosaic isn't a mosaic if it doesn't have all the tiles.

Too often we are advised by people to take the money and run. Do a destination wedding. Go to the justice of the peace. Fly to vegas. Save the money for a house. Take an amazing vacation. Don't waste the money.

I blew it off for a long time as jaded cynics or sarcasm, but lately I've been taking it to heart. We are north Jersey Italian Catholics - well Linda is a bit diluted with Irish but we love her anyway. A gigantic party and celebration is in our DNA. We are foodies as a hobby so serving delicious food sounds like a blast. We come from very large families that have been shrinking severely with each generation and bringing them all together as our families merge is joyous. As for the money, we both work hard and if you can't put your pennies together for a wedding, then what the hell are you working for? Not to mention that we're both smart adults who know if this is a smart spend.

We aren't wasting money on one day. We are investing in starting the next chapter of our life journey with people we love and care about us that have been with us for a long time. In our eyes, 30 minutes at the justice of the peace doesn't reflect our personalities, culture, hobbies, families or the size of our love. All of that cynical "advice" chipped away at the value until today. I started a blog so the whole world would know how much I love her and I'll be damned if the biggest day of our lives so far is not done in the most grandiose reflection of our happiness.

I won't argue that the wedding is expensive. We know it is. I won't argue that it's hard. We know it is. I won't even argue some of it is a little frivolous. We know it is. But a wedding isn't about cost, is it? I won't bargain hunt. I'm not looking to get off cheap. I'm looking to properly celebrate a momentous step with the single most important person in my life. And that's not something you can put a price on.

On this day in our history...

People always love "on this day..." items. We've seen them on TV and in the newspaper for a long time. Timehop is the app that shows you your history year after year. Facebook does a great job of reminding you about monumental moments, but so often the real moments happen when you're not really paying attention. Luckily for me, my beautiful bride has recorded some of them.

I'm not going to share them with you because they are our little private moments of distinction so posting the list would be contrary to the point. However, the record of them is interesting, in and of itself. Clearly, we have this blog where I chronicle the silliness and the love and share it with the world. We don't know who reads this, if anyone. For me, it's about the inability to contain myself so I share with the world.

I had no idea Linda was compiling such a list. However, 1 year after the date we first met I got an email. In it was the composite list of all the little things that had made her smile over the last 12 months. I saw this list again today and it made me smile because our wedding is 105 or so days away and all the silly things we did in the first year, we still do.

I think about our life and with the impending wedding I'm drawn to think about that event and buying a house and starting a family and providing and all that stuff. I think about the big stuff. To paraphrase my father's words once; I think about the small stuff to plan around the house - repairs, upgrades, renovations. I think about the bigger stuff like seeing places around the world with her. I think about the life stuff like I mentioned.

Linda helped me remember that life happens in between all that stuff. She reminded me of the time on the first weekend we were together in person; she asked me if I wanted a cookie and I said no. She came back with one cookie for herself and sat on the couch. I promptly grabbed her hand and ate the entire cookie from it like a ravenous animal. She got really mad for a minute and, unsurprisingly, the more I laughed, the madder she got.

Or the time she proposed to me - only to ensure she gets a lifetime supply of that baked potato salad. Or the time she met Matt, one of my closest friends and confidants; and how more than the excitement of meeting him, she enjoyed watching me spend time with him and how happy it made me to have both of them around.

I've said stuff like this before but sometimes the adventure is a particular event and sometimes the adventure is the life in between all of it. There were many more moments she mentioned in that email to me and I'd relive every one of them again and again if I could. I'm thankful that I don't have to because there are many more ahead for us. Still, it make me smile to look back on them between us.

I'm not ready to get married

It is 136 days until Linda and I are wed. Actually, by this time on the 136th day, the ceremony will have already taken place. I realized today that I'm so not ready for this.

I apologize in advance for the clickbait title, but I couldn't help myself. Let me explain.

Many years ago I was in the wedding of a friend and I remember when his bride walked through the door, he saw her and got emotional immediately. This is someone that's not quick to show emotion.

Late last year I was in another wedding and the same thing happened. This time it was from someone that is a little quicker to show emotion in general.

Today I was on the phone with my mother and we were talking wedding logistics and the topic of the rehearsal came up. I hadn't given it much thought until now. It's just the rehearsal, not the wedding. Who cares, right? I was so wrong. I started to picture it.

I told my mom that I don't even want to do the rehearsal. I know I have to because I need to know where to stand and she needs to know which aisle is the middle and we need to practice saying "i do." And then we get the super fun rehearsal dinner where I get to spend time with all the travelers in an intimate setting not afforded us by a 200 person wedding. So all in all it's good.

Here's the real thing for me that I didn't know existed until today. I'm not ready for any of it. When I spoke to my mom today about the rehearsal itself, for the first time I envisioned what happens. It was always some nebulous event, but today it was real. And for the very first time, I picture my bride-to-be walking up the aisle to meet me, if even in practice. The thought was more than I could handle.

And at 2pm on a regular chilly January Tuesday I stood in my living room, talking to my mom with tears streaming down my face at the mere imagined situation of the practice for the wedding. Maybe the rehearsal is in place to help me inure myself to the sight of my bride arriving to pledge her life to me, but I doubt it'll work.

No matter how you slice it, I will be a wreck on the day of my wedding. When the doors open and she walks in, it's all over for me. No matter how much I prepare, the emotions will win. So, again, I apologize for the title that baited you here. I'm ready to be married. I'm just not even remotely close to being emotionally ready to get married.

Things happen on October 26th

When you're dating, there are lots of "anniversaries," most of them created by the fairer sex. There's the date we met. There's the date we started seeing each other. There's the date we became a couple, which isn't the date we started seeing each other because we didn't know where it was gonna go so we don't count it until we actually became a couple. There's the first time she got her nails done since we've been a couple while it was also a full moon on the third Friday of the month. There's an anniversary for everything. Then things progress and maybe you get engaged and that gets an anniversary. It's so hard to keep up sometimes.

Linda and I were in a long distance relationship. We met in terms of becoming aware of the existance of one another. We met in terms of speaking and getting to know each other. Then we physically met. We acted like we were dating before we met, but we weren't dating because you can't date someone you haven't met. And you can't be dating as of the moment you physically meet. So you wait two days and call it dating. I'm exhausted.

You don't want to miss any of these dates either. Luckily, in 229 days we have one date to trump all others - the wedding anniversary. Incidentally, that will be June 12th. Why June 12th you ask? Well the 12th seemed as good a Friday as any in June. But 6 and 12 have a distinct relationship that 6 and 19 don't have. 6 - 12. Easy to remember. Plus, one of my best friends on the planet is 6/8 and another is 6/10. So we're 8, 10, 12 and can help keep each other abreast of fast approaching dates. They have a multi-year head start on me though.

So why today? What does 10/26 have to do with anything about anything? Well, 3 years ago today my good friend Tim spoke in favor of those wacky OWSers shitting in Zuccotti Park about damning the corporate man while posting about it on Facebook from iPhones connected to WiFi in Starbucks. That means it's also the day that Linda and I met. Three years have gone by since I giddily called Matt to tell him about the hot girl I was chatting with on Facebook. She's so adamantly conservative and gorgeous and she's a Jets fan. She's like me, but prettier by 1 million orders of magnitude. And you'll never believe what just happened. She sent me a Facebook friend request that I'm not going to accept for almost 24 hours just make it plainly obvious I'm not that creepy desperate guy that looks at her like a lion looks at a steak. Nope. I'm going to wait and run the risk that the woman who turns out to be my future wife loses interest and walks away. Yup. Sounds like a solid plan. And I did exactly that, but I got lucky.

And so began the first Adventure of Jason and Linda - getting to know each other over Facebook, text message, phone calls and FaceTime while I finished my sentence enlistment in Mississippi. Skip ahead 17 months and I'm home and we're living together. We have successfully endured long distance and now that we're cohabiting we have to endure no distance; and we've never yet experienced that happy middle.

Skip ahead 7 more months. It's October. It's a cold blustery day. We're in the city to take photographs because I'm a photography hobbyist and Linda has chosen to be my pupil.

I told you all about the details of that day. We took no photos at all because in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge, which is one of Linda's favorite places, I took a knee to retrieve a memory card for the camera and out came an engagement ring instead. We did, however, go to Eataly to celebrate the day's events.

That wasn't just a day in October. That was October 26th. Two years to the day from when Linda came into my life, I decided to make sure she never left it and asked her to marry me. It was not by accident that we shared the photos of our engagement photo shoot with everyone just one day prior to this on 10/25. Nobody quite knew why, but the anniversary was around the corner and I was leading up to today.

So here we are. It's Sunday evening, three years from the day I met her, one year from the day we got engaged and less than a year from the date we marry. All these dates seem somewhat arbitrary, but they remind us. When I find lights on in every room of the house and she finds my socks ever so close to the hamper, yet not quite in the hamper, these dates remind us. One day we were strangers, the next we were acquaintances and 2 years to the day we were fiancé to one another.

All along the way, we've been this happy, squishy faced couple:

I know what some of you are wondering - did I plan the dates to overlap? That sounds like a very "me" thing to do, but that's a complicated answer. I couldn't possibly have known what date I was doing to meet her and that it would also fall on a weekend 2 years later when I would ask her to marry me. I couldn't possibly have known that 7 months after moving home, we'd be taking that next step. So, no, I didn't plan it. However, when I got the ring in my possession and it occurred to me that I had her, the ring and an empty calendar on 10/26, there was no stopping that train. So, I did make sure, come hell or high water, to follow through with my plan that morning (part of which included copious amounts of DayQuil and, later, wine).

So that's the story of October 26th and why it continues to be an important spot in the timeline of our lifelong adventure.