I don't know if it is the law of diminishing return at work or just getting a little case of "senioritis" toward my military career, but...
Every day I get a little less satisfaction than the day before.
Every day I miss my friends and family from home just a little bit more.
Every day I have less tolerance for the immaturity of the next generation of Airmen that show up.
Every day I feel more distance between myself and my friends here.
Every day I long for a phone call from a civilian employer.
Every day I wake up with less energy than the prior morning.
Every day I measure my worth as a professional against my pay with increased disappointment.
Every day I stare, just a little longer, at the voluntary separation button my computer.
Every day I breathe a sigh of exhaustion before leaving for work - just a little heavier.
Every day I remind myself of all the good brought into my life by all these years in the military.
Every day I don the uniform and dig down deep for the pride that should automatically come with it.
Every day I want nothing more than to wake up, look around and say, "I'm truly at home."
Every day I count the days until I can say that.
Every day I do what I promised because I promised I would. I took an oath.
One day I will do what I do because I love it, I'm rewarded for it, I'm compensated appropriately and it'll all happen while surrounded by those most important to me.
Today is not that day.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
What a relief
Obviously the last blog post spurred by a decision to shut down my company and online presences as a brand (3 brands, actually) was very disappointing. Even if it was necessary and added up by the numbers, emotionally it was a huge letdown to be in that position. I worked very hard at all of it and maybe that was the problem. Maybe 1 brand would have been a huge success, but 3 brands and a full time job were more than any 1 person could handle. I don't really know. Anyway, I spent all day feeling pretty lousy about the whole thing.
Then came this huge relief. I was talking to Linda and explaining the difficulty of trying to push content to people when nobody was asking for it or trying to pull content. She said that, to her, it seemed like I was showing up with an expert opinion to tell the world what they should and shouldn't buy or should and shouldn't do. She meant that from her perspective she didn't understand why I was so bent on the interaction, when I have so much to say about tech at any given moment.
I enlightened her about the process of keeping up with industry news from all sources (including the bozo tech tabloids like gizmodo and techcrunch), reading all the opinions, garnering fact, making my own analysis, wording so it makes sense to the average user and then delivering. If it's a video, it's that much harder to film, edit, upload and share to every platform available.
Then I explained something else that people outside my shoes don't really know or understand. As much as I love the new gadgets, being in the position that I was in came with a certain level of mania and, subsequently, anxiety about keeping up. I wanted an iPhone 4S but I also felt like I HAD to have one. How could Vig the Geek wax intellectual with the last generation? Where would the credibility be? I was frantically trying to sell my first iPad to raise the capital to buy the 2nd one. I tried the ChipIn thing to raise funds to buy cool gadgets to review (and then give away as prizes to my lackluster audience) and got nowhere.
I was constantly on the defensive as an iPhone guy and had a hard time defending my position since I didn't own an Android device. I now don't have to worry about funding a truly expensive habit just to keep up and talk about all this stuff. I don't have to get content out constantly. I can focus on other areas like getting some certifications. I can revive my interest in iOS app development.
I feel a huge sense of relief knowing I don't need to pump all this out only to never know if it's being heard by anyone other than my 3 closest friends. A million pounds have been lifted off my shoulders by closing JayVig Photography, JayVig Media and Vig the Geek. Still though, I thought it was all going to propel me into something bigger and letting go of a dream is never 100% easy. At least I can breathe now.
Then came this huge relief. I was talking to Linda and explaining the difficulty of trying to push content to people when nobody was asking for it or trying to pull content. She said that, to her, it seemed like I was showing up with an expert opinion to tell the world what they should and shouldn't buy or should and shouldn't do. She meant that from her perspective she didn't understand why I was so bent on the interaction, when I have so much to say about tech at any given moment.
I enlightened her about the process of keeping up with industry news from all sources (including the bozo tech tabloids like gizmodo and techcrunch), reading all the opinions, garnering fact, making my own analysis, wording so it makes sense to the average user and then delivering. If it's a video, it's that much harder to film, edit, upload and share to every platform available.
Then I explained something else that people outside my shoes don't really know or understand. As much as I love the new gadgets, being in the position that I was in came with a certain level of mania and, subsequently, anxiety about keeping up. I wanted an iPhone 4S but I also felt like I HAD to have one. How could Vig the Geek wax intellectual with the last generation? Where would the credibility be? I was frantically trying to sell my first iPad to raise the capital to buy the 2nd one. I tried the ChipIn thing to raise funds to buy cool gadgets to review (and then give away as prizes to my lackluster audience) and got nowhere.
I was constantly on the defensive as an iPhone guy and had a hard time defending my position since I didn't own an Android device. I now don't have to worry about funding a truly expensive habit just to keep up and talk about all this stuff. I don't have to get content out constantly. I can focus on other areas like getting some certifications. I can revive my interest in iOS app development.
I feel a huge sense of relief knowing I don't need to pump all this out only to never know if it's being heard by anyone other than my 3 closest friends. A million pounds have been lifted off my shoulders by closing JayVig Photography, JayVig Media and Vig the Geek. Still though, I thought it was all going to propel me into something bigger and letting go of a dream is never 100% easy. At least I can breathe now.
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