Sunday, September 11, 2016

Life is what happens

"Beautiful Boy" has long been a favorite John Lennon song. This morning I played it for my beautiful boy. Every line of the song rings true when I look at my perfect little peanut. I happened to play it for him because I called him beautiful boy and it made me think of it. Besides, he needs to be well acquainted with Mr. Lennon by now - he's almost 5 months.

"Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"

Then that line happened and I found myself at the intersection of multiple emotions. On one hand, I'm watching my boy smile at me and play with his tiny feet. On the other hand, today I'm reminded of the last part of that in a specific and unique way. Life surely does happen while you're busy making other plans. The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, as they say. I never planned so many of the events that led me to where I am today. And where I am today is a good place.

We have Mr. Nick on one hand, and the unending grief of today's date on the other. To make it more complex, the T in NickyT is for Thomas. The middle namesake I share with my son is for my uncle and godfather Thomas Sabella. To the world he's remembered as one of the brave 343 who laid down their lives 15 Septembers ago. To us, he'll always just be Uncle Tommy. A man with broad shoulders and a broader smile; a smile present in the great-nephew he never knew.

For 15 long years, I've run the gamut of emotions on the anniversaries. I've had varying reactions. I've tried various things to deal with it all. I've cried. I've drank. I've sat quietly in the dark. I've gone to memorial events. Right now, I'm writing this to all of you and watching Mickey Mouse with my boy.

I have lots of plans for the future, but as the former Beatle reminded me today, life happens the way it happens, often contrary to and in spite of those plans. What I do have is today. So I'll spend it watching cartoons and playing with my Nicky boy. I'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow.