Saturday, March 19, 2011

Be Your Own Person

I may sometimes be labeled as stubborn, bull-headed, rigid, unyielding, or mulish. I like to think of myself as determined, strong-minded, tenacious, or strong-willed. Either way, the point is that I don't easily let go of how I feel about something. I also, generally, feel deeply one way or the other about it. I rarely waffle or float in the middle. Frankly, I'm less of a fan of centrists than I am leftists (politically speaking). Naturally, I like when people agree with me - we all do. It makes life easier when people agree with something we believe in strongly.

If people are not going to agree with me deeply, I prefer them to disagree sharply. Why? Because I respect people who take a stand and are not easily influenced. I really have a hard time dealing with someone who is like a feather in a current of air being pushed around any little breeze. Be an adult, "man up" as they say, and make a decision. Feel something. Decide something. Be your own person.

That also holds true when it comes to feeling toward a friend. Yes, this rant was going somewhere all along and now that the stage is set, we can truly begin. No matter what your two dopey friends tell you; the relationship is not going to last and when they break up, things are gonna be awkward. It's going to leave you in the middle. Sorry, but that's what happens. It is an unfortunate and unnecessary responsibility for you to bear the weight of, but that's what we call collateral damage. So, make a decision.

You will either:
  1. Choose one side
  2. Choose the other side
  3. Make an effort to remain neutral.

Remaining neutral requires more work than anything else. You'd think it would require less but nothing could be further from the truth. You would think that you just do nothing at all and there you go. Wrong-o pal! You have to manage both relationships.

Realistically, that's the right thing to do. It sucks, I get it. It's not fair, roger that. But it's the right thing to do. The right thing often is the hardest. There's that climb to the high road.

In MY life, that doesn't happen. I'm second fiddle. I knew it would happen. I felt the shift. I caught the chilly tingle of an inadvertent cold shoulder. Then I realized that it was over. It was complete. That's fine. It happens. Luckily for me, I don't put all my eggs in one loosely constructed friendship basket. So I don't end up alone.

My problem isn't that people go a different direction in life. My problem isn't even that people's directions conflicts with mine. That's what makes the world go 'round. My beef is quiet simply that some people don't choose to go a different direction. They are influenced by others. My problem is that certain friends have excluded me from certain things at the behest of another individual. Since when do we, as adults, allow ourselves to be enslaved in our decision making processes? It is especially annoying because the decision maker is not a spouse or anyone other than friend. This friend was just as close as I was. Yet, here I am low on the priority scale.

And just to make sure we have some icing on this cake, when I run into the friends that I no longer see, due to this wacky person's requests, they pretend none of it is happening. They laden the conversation with "I miss you" and "we need to hang out" and "it's been so long since we all hung out," when in reality, they've had every opportunity and chose not to use it because someone else told them so. Treating me like a fool who doesn't know that it is happening is the cherry on top of the icing.

So, here's the deal. Are you ready?
  1. Be an adult and see your friends regardless if whether their ex-partner/friend/etc says not to
  2. If you have to drop anyone, drop the one trying to make you choose
  3. If you're ridiculous enough to do neither of the above, come out with it and say
  4. Finally, never under any circumstances add insult to injury by pretending the one you cut out doesn't see/feel it happening.

I'm sure this will change nothing in my present situation and most people will not heed it and prevent it in their own lives in the future. That's just the way it goes. People who get pushed around, just get pushed around.

As for the one doing the pushing... if you read this, you're a spineless individual as well. Pushing around people that allow it doesn't make you anything more than a manipulative, puppeteer, but we knew this about you already, didn't we?

1 comment:

mike&kristen&brennan said...

Unfortunately, most people retain childish habbits.