Sunday, December 07, 2008

We are not the most intelligent life form

Humans I mean. Clearly some of our furry, 4-legged friends have us beat. Linda had 3 cats. Chesney (named after the country singer) was the first to go on Thursday. After that was Ranger. Finally she was left with Cheez-It, the orange idiot that licks the place where his balls USED to be. He had no home and despite my lack of love for cats, I'm a softy and told her to bring him.

When they arrived, Cheez-It was a little nuts. He had just lost his 2 best friends, spent 10 hours in the car and landed in unfamiliar territory. So we put him in the bathroom to keep him safe and enclosed. Over a few hours we brought him out in to the living room and he ended up behind the washer. So began the first fiasco of Jason pulling out the appliances and the cat (by way of his tail) and then rigging a contraption to prevent the cat from getting back there (which prevented us from also doing laundry). Back into the bathroom he went.

When it was time for bed, we closed the doors to all 3 bedrooms and opened the bathroom door. The house was a little more catproof by now and we figured he could sniff around while we slept. We wake up yesterday morning to no sign of Cheez-It.

After an extensive search around the house I notice a small flap of wood in the bathroom that allows access under the tub. Always knew it was there. Never paid much attention. So now I'm climbing under the tub with a flashlight looking for this furry pain in my ass, garnering a nice 6 inch scratch on my tricep in the process. No Cheez-It from what I can see. Next, I disassemble and remove my tub almost entirely and still no cat. I had assumed he found a way out of the house and that was that.

Even at 11pm you can't ignore the sad, just lost a pet face on your loved one so I'm outside in pajamas with a flashlight half climbed under my trailer in the mud and muck looking for Houdini's escape route or even paw prints in the mire. Nothing.

This morning I'm explaining to Linda how he's just gone. It sucks, yes, but hey, we looked everywhere - to include the washer and the oven - just in case.

For shits and giggles we talk about looking above the cabinets/cupboard. So I stand on the couch to look. Nothing but I see a shadow or something so she opens the cupboard and we realize there is no top and it's open to the ceiling. Well she moves a box of cereal and lets out a blood curdling scream. Who expects to see a cat looking back at you? The son of a bitch was in there the whole time. We think he went from counter to fridge and up and over into the cupboard. And he spent 2 days laughing at us frantically searching the house for him.

As a Cheez-It, the least he could have done would have been to hang with the snacks so I would have seen him before we went for breakfast food the next day. We were in there several times getting food throughout the day.

So the moral of the story is that he's safe and sound in the house and never left.... AND I need to build a top to the cupboard!

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